Building Bridges Sequel To 'Walking After You'
by paper-cut2
Summary: Sequel To walking After You (Complete)
1. Chapter 1

Chapter 1  
  
Before I begin there are a few things I need to clarify. Firstly when I said Michael Jr's name was Hardy, that was wrong - it's his name now, but when I begin this story he had my name, Hutchence. Secondly when I was pregnant I did tell my family - Dad, Kellie, they all knew. What I failed to tell them was who the father was! Mike knew from the beginning & he was fantastic about the whole situation! He understood why I felt the need to keep it secret from everyone for a while & he respected my decision. As for Dad, Kellie & the rest of them, I told them it had been a one night stand, didn't even know the guy, didn't know where he was now or how to find him.........in other words, I lied! When Michael was born he was two weeks over due........I lied again & said he was two weeks early, just incase anyone put two & two together & came up with.....well three!! So, why the lies? Why not just admit everything, go back to Cameron & live happily ever after? Truth was I was scared! You have to understand what I had with Jeff before we slept together & hopefully, if you have already read my first story you will! (If you haven't then I suggest you do or not much of this is going to make much sense!) I was scared because he was the best friend I'd ever had! Because I loved him! Because I didn't want him to feel 'obliged' to take care of a family! We were young.......he was on the brink of major stardom, major wealth too if the truth be known, then along comes Gemma & screws it all up? No thankyou!! At the start it was always my intention to tell everyone! All I wanted was a few months with my baby, a few months to figure it all out & at least this way Dad wasn't forced to lie to his best friend!! Had I told Dad & then begged him not to tell Gilbert, he would've kept my secret, but it would have torn him apart! No, this was the best way & the only way I knew how to handle it, so this was the way it was! Michael Jr wasn't just the centre of my life, Mike totally adored him too & he was thrilled he was his little 'namesake'!! When Mike was killed I kind of 'lost the plot' for a while! I ended up living with Rhett & Jenny & they took care of me & little Mike for a few months.......thank GOD for those two saints!! Anyway I'm glad Michael got to see my son & I'm also glad he knew the truth! So, Gemma lives on, but in looks & name only! The Gemma from the first story is long gone! I'm no longer the little girl you came to know throughout those chapters, I'm someone's mother now! I guess it happens to us all in a way, as we grow up we change, begin to realise our priorities are no longer what we believed them to be, we lose our innnocence. I lost a lot more! I lost 2 brothers, my best friends, my family & my 'surrogate' family & most of all I broke someone's heart! To know you have done that to a person, taken away their happiness with one single selfish act, is enough to change your opinion of yourself forever. It still makes me feel sad when I think of what I did to Adam, in hindsight it should never have gone that far.....running out on him the day before our wedding made me feel like a lowlife, and I believe that's exactly what I was! But we don't have the use of a crystal ball now do we? When I agreed to marry Adam I did love him & I also believed I could make it work! Nothing I did was malicious & I never intended to hurt him the way I did. When all said & done he was a great guy & I was a bitch........he deserved better! I only hope he eventually saw it that way too! I saw him once, a few months after Michael was born. The WWF were in Australia & Edge & Christian were doing an autograph signing session in a local store! I stood outside, among the crowds of screaming girls, and I looked in through the window! I don't know why I went there or why I felt the need to see him for that split second, but I did! He was smiling, joking around with Jay & having his picture taken for the 100th time that day & he looked happy.....it made me smile! Not once did he look my way & not once did I have the urge to go inside, but I went away feeling....oh I don't know, I guess contented is the word! That was the day I went home & began to write the story of my life! I never intended to show it to the world, it was more for my own personal benefit that I put pen to paper! When it was eventually published in the magazine I never thought anyone would read it - I mean it's hardly the action adventure of the century now is it?! But I'm told I was wrong, that people want more so, here I am! Trouble is.......where to start!?! 


	2. Chapter 2

Chapter 2  
  
Michael was four weeks past his third birthday when he made me think about Cameron & my old life! Dad & Kellie came every year & stayed for a month, two weeks before his birthday & two weeks after. He adored his Grandpa & 'Gum' (he'd called Kellie 'Gum' since he knew how to talk....we don't know why but it just stuck!!) & they were at their happiest when they could come & spend time in Australia with their Grandchildren! They had been gone almost two weeks when Michael & I were having dinner over at Rhett's place one evening. "Mummy?" he asked, between mouthfulls of food! "Yes honey?" "Grandpa & Gum......do they live in Cameroon?" I laughed at his mistake! "Cameron sweetie! Now c'mon, eat up!" "Jake says that's where the Hardy Boys live!" I stopped eating, a forkful of food halfway to my mouth & stared at him in amazement! Rhett gave me a sideways glance & thankfully he quickly changed the subject! "Cameron's a big place Mike! Now, who's for ice cream?" Michael & Becky (Rhett's daughter) both cheered & the subject of the Hardy Boys seemed to be forgotten! It had completely taken me by surprise as I never let him watch the wrestling on TV! Jake was his little friend from kindergarten & obviously his parents weren't so strict with their three year old! Later that night we decided to stay over so I could have some wine & not have to worry about getting home! As I tucked Michael into bed the curiosity got the better of me! "Michael.....who are the Hardy Boys?" I asked, stroking his hair as he lay curled up under the covers. "Wrestlers!" he said enthusiastically, "Jake says they're the best!!" "Have you ever seen this wrestling honey?" "Oh sometimes.....at Jake's, his brother has a tape! Jeff has blue hair Mummy! He looks funny!!" He giggled & my heart almost stopped! Here he was talking about Jeff, talking about his own father, like some sort of little fan!! I put a hand to my mouth & looked up at the celing. "Mummy....can I grow blue hair when I'm big?" He looked up at me & I had to smile, had to hide the fact that I felt sick to my stomach & had to hide how totally terrified I was! So, I put on a big 'mommy' grin & distracted him by tickling his tummy! Jenny came in to read him & Becky a bed time story so I said my 'goodnights' and left....well more like escaped!! I went through the kitchen, pouring the biggest glass of wine, & out to join Rhett on the porch. "Blast from the past!" he said, grinning at me as I sat down. I just nodded & gulped some wine! "You looked a little erm...startled when he mentioned them in there!" "Did I? Oh well like you said, it's just not a name I've heard in a while......just took me by surprise, that's all!" "How come you never kept in touch with them, well especially Jeff? Man you two were insep..." "Leave it Rhett!" I snapped, taking another large mouthful from my wine glass!! "Ok! Ok! Just saying.......it seems a little strange, that's all!" "Nothing strange about it Rhett! We grew up, grew apart, it happens!" Later that night as I lay in bed my mind raced! I thought about Jeff a lot of the time but somehow I'd always avoided asking myself the one vital question...'how was I ever going to explain any of this to Michael?' He'd never once asked why he didn't have a Daddy like the other kids, but I guess he was getting older & the questions were bound to start! First thing I had to do was keep him away from this Jake kid! I needed time to think about this & Michael seeing Jeff on TV again wasn't going to help! The more I thought about it, the more I came to realise that there was no easy way around this situation & it was only going to get worse the longer I left it! But still I couldn't bring myself to pick up the phone after all this time & hear his voice....even the thought of it scared the living hell out of me!! I had no idea where I was going to go from there! 


	3. Chapter 3

Chapter 3  
  
So, another year passed & I had managed to avoid the subject of wrestling & The Hardy Boys almost completely! Michael was growing up fast & it was hard to believe it was his 4th birthday already! Dad & Kellie had arrived two weeks earlier as usual & now we were preparing for an invasion of pre- schoolers tearing around the appartment for Michael's party!! It was chaos when they all arrived & I kept thinking, 'I must be mad !',but the smile on Michael's face made up for all the noise, the mess & the throbbing headache by the time the little 'cherubs' had all left!! Before we cleaned up we let Mike open the mountain of preasents everyone had given him! He sat on Dad's knee tearing open the parcels & giggling with excitement at every gift he unwrapped!! I had my back to him, picking up the wrapping paper from the floor & shoving it into a garbage bag, when suddenly he squeeled with delight! I turned around & there he was, sitting on his Grandpa's knee holding a set of Hardy Boys wrestling figures!! "Mummy! Mummy! Look! Look what Robert got me!!" he shouted, jumping down from Dad's knee & running over to show me! I just stood there, totally gobsmacked!! I didn't know what to do or what to say! "Mummy?" he looked at me with a little frown, "It's The Hardy Boys! It's Jeff with blue hair...remember? Look!!" He tugged at my leg begging me to look! I bent down & took the package from his hands, I was shaking! "Oh.......honey.......v.......very erm...nice!" "Granpa do you live near the Hardy Boys 'cause they live where you & Gum live, Jake told me!" I shook my head, my eyes pleading with Dad not to say anything! "Well....I....er....I don't really know son......I....errr......" "Why don't we take you into the bathroom to get washed & ready for bed young man!" "Aw Gum!!" "No buts or 'aw Gums'! Come on!" said Kellie, quickly ushering him into the bathroom. I heaved a sigh of relief when he was out of the room & Dad looked up at me. "Well Dad.......I er...don't want his head full of this wrestling stuff! He's too young & it's too dangerous!" "That's fair enough!" he said & he picked up the box of figures, studying them carefully & smiling a little. "I never undrstood Gemma......about you & Jeff!" he shook his head absentmindedly. "Dad please! Not now ok?" I started to gather up some more paper from the floor. "Gemma y'know.....I never asked...not once in all this time have I questioned you about it! I figured it was best left alone....but..." "Yeah Dad, trust me it is!!" "....But Jeff came to see me again before I left to come here!" I stopped what I was doing, trying to seem as if I didn't give a damn! "Oh?" "He often does! Him & Matt, they're good boys! They call to see me whenever they're home....always asking about you!" "Yeah?....That's nice then!" "Why don't you stay in touch with them Gemma? What happened with you & Jeff before you up & left the way you did?" "It was nothing Dad!" I walked into the kitchen, trying to avoid any more questions that I couldn't bare to answer! "So.....I can give Jeff your number then...?" "NO!" I almost ran back into the living room! "NO DAD! Please! I...it's just...I...." I had no words to explain why, I just stood there. "Ok, whatever you want but..." he paused & hung his head, ".....He misses you Gemma, they both do! Whatever it was.....whatever happened....can't you work it....." "No dad! It's not that easy!" Dad sighed & shook his head, "I'll drop the subject Gemma, just one more thing..." he paused, ".....something Jeff asked me to ask you." "Go on." "He said, do you still have to tape & if you do, would you do him one last thing & just listen to it...just once?!" "Sure dad." Later that night, when everyone was asleep, I went to the drawer of the dresser in my room. After all these years I still knew exactly where to find that tape, even though I hadn't played it since the day I left Cameron. I crept into the living room & put the tape into the stereo. I plugged in the headphones & went to press the 'play' button, but my finger just stopped, hovering above the button, unwilling to break the spell! I knew the song on the tape by heart anyway, but the thought of hearing every word like it was meant for me made me catch my breath & I couldn't do it!! I went to bed, but one line of that song plagued me until the sun came up. "If you'd accept surrender, give up some more, weren't you adored ?" Maybe it was time I did accept the facts & give up.....let Michael meet his father?! 


	4. Chapter 4

Chapter 4  
  
A few weeks went by & still I had done nothing! It tore me apart every time Michael & his friends played with those damn figures! Pieces of moulded plastic.....yet to weird to comprehend! The image flashed into my mind over & over that this should be real, Michael had the right to know his Dad! What I had never even considdered until then was what about Jeff? Didn't he have the right to know he had a son for Christ's sake? Didn't he have the right to decide for himself whether or not he wanted to be a part of Michael's life? I wasn't giving him a choice, I was being selfish to everyone! What about Gilbert? He was a grandfather & he never even knew it! Matt was an uncle....they deserved better than this! A tear rolled down my cheek as I lay in bed with these thoughts bombarding my brain like bullets! I hadn't cried over Jeff, not since the day Michael was born & I had made a promise to myself never to cry over him again! Somehow I had managed to harden myself to my emotions, punch them down whenever they threatened to rear up! How the hell can three pieces of plastic destroy all the defenses I'd speant so much time building up around me?! It was almost laughable - a twenty dollar toy that was threatning to upheave my entire life!! "Jesus!" I said out loud in the darkness, "What is this? The return of Chucky!!?" I let out a laugh but then the tears threatened to come again. I blinked them away, clutching tightly to the sheet on my bed & biting my lip! It was going to take more than a damn toy to crack me...I was sure of it!! ******* I was still lying there wide awake & staring up at the moon through the open curtains of my bedroom window, when the phone rang. I sat up in bed, jolted from my thoughts & quickly glanced at the clock, it was 4am. I grabbed the phone in a daze, worrying more about it waking Michael than who would be calling me at that time in the morning!! It turned out to be Greg. Dad was sick, in hospital, he'd had a heart attack! My mind went into overdrive, thinking of the million things that neded to be done! When I'd hung up on Greg I called Rhett, close to panick, not knowing what to do first! ******* The next few hours were like a whirlwind & before I knew it, Rhett, Michael & myself were on a plane to America! Jenny had offered to keep Michael there with her & Becky but I couldn't leave him! All I kept thinking was if Dad dies I would always regret not taking him to see his Grandpa one last time! The fact that I was going back to Cameron didn't really hit me until we were pulling up in a taxi outside the old house where I grew up! I stepped out onto the driveway & my stomach lurched. I never in my wildest dreams expected to be standing outside this house again! Greg came out to help us with the bags but as soon as he saw Michael he swept him up into his arms & carried him inside instead....we carried our own bags!! When I stepped through the door & into the kitchen I got a chill down my spine! I looked around in disbelief to see nothing had changed at all! Maybe a coat of paint here & there, but everything else remained frozen, in a time warp! I was shaken from my thoughts by Pat holding me tightly. When I realised it was him I threw my arms around him & held him, the tears streaming down my face! It had been five months since I'd last seen him, his tennis is demanding & takes him all over the world.....it felt so good to be in his arms again! When we went to the hospital I did leave Michael behind. He'd had such a long day he'd fallen asleep on the couch so Greg's fiance, Louise, stayed behind to look after him. Kellie looked like she had aged 10 years in just a few weeks & it scared me to see her like that! When we went in to see Dad he was wired to machines, but concious & he looked for the first time to me like an old man! It made me realise his mortality.......I always thought my Dad would be around forever! Doesn't most of us think that way? 'My dad, the superhero?' At that moment the realisation that he wasn't indestructable hit me like a brick! On the bright side he had a smile for us all as we kissed him in turn & he did talk for a little while but quickly got tired. While we were there, test result upon test result came flooding in...none of them made much sense but the doctor explained what we all needed to hear! This time Dad's super powers had saved the day! He would be ok, as long as took it easy & ate healthier! I don't think I've ever been so relieved, so thankful to God for anything in my life! We all assured him we would still be there, at 'home' when he got out of hospital & that we'd visit every day until then! We were on our way out to the parking lot when I saw Gilbert comming the other way along the corridor! My first instinct was to run, get out of there & I frantically looked left & right for a place to hide before I got a hold on my panick! As soon as he saw me his face brightened & he threw his arms around me....I had to admit it was good to see him again, even if I was terrified & hadn't a clue what I was meant to say to him! It was basically small-talk & he was really happy to hear about Dad's improvement! Just before he went in to see his best friend he squeezed my hands. "Can I come & see you......and little Michael maybe....tomorrow perhaps?" his eyes twinkled with excitement! "Oh....er....yes! Yes I'd like that Gilbert!" He kissed me on the cheek & we went our seperate ways, for now anyway! 


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5  
  
I was woken early next morning by shouts & laughter comming from outside. I sluggishly crawled out of bed & went to the window, yawning as I threw open the curtains. Looking down into the yard I saw Michael rolling in the dirt, he was playing with Greg & Pat & loving every minute of it judging from the excited squeels & giggles I could hear! I smiled when I saw them, it warmed my heart to see him playing around with his uncles with not a care in the world! They didn't see enough of each other, something I had to try & change! If Dad's heart attack had taught me anything it was that Michael needed to know his family! After I had a shower I went downstairs & made coffee. It still felt strange to be back at the old farmhouse, somehow unreal, dream-like! Greg & Pat came in exhausted & grinning like Cheshire cats! "He's not done out there but I am!" Greg said as he flopped into a chair! "Me too! It's worse than a five-setter with Sampras!" Pat smiled. "Ok old men! I'm on my way out!!" I laughed. I went out & we kicked a ball around in the yard for a little while, I didn't realise we were being watched! Michael made some comment about how I couldn't kick the ball right 'cause I was a 'girl', so I playfully grabbed him & tickled him until we both ended up in the dirt laughing! I pulled him on top of me & tweaked his nose! "You wanna go see Grandpa today?" "Oh yes Mummy! And Gum too! Is Gum sick Mummy?" "No sweetheart! She's just staying at the hospital to help the doctors & nurses fix up Gramps!" He looked at me as if he was deep in thought. "Is Gum your Mummy?" I smiled. "No....well she didn't have me when I was a baby, but she's just like my Mummy...just the same as me & you & I love her very much!" "OH." He looked distant, as if his little mind was ticking over, trying to make sense of it! Fitting the strange pieces of life together like a lego wall! Suddenly he grinned & kissed my cheek. "I'm glad you're my Mummy!" It brought a tear to my eye! "Me too Mike! I wouldn't have it any other way!" "Robert says his Mummy is the best.......but he's wrong!" he smiled. "Yeah? Well I bet his Mummy doesn't know how to.........tickle his tummy!!!" I said, rolling him over in the dirt & frantically ticking him until he screamed!! "Gem?" I stopped, but I couldn't look up. I was frozen, not even breathing! My body was covered in goosebumps & my throat went dry as if it was going to close completely! I knew that voice, knew who I was going to see if I looked up & I just couldn't do it! "I'm sorry.....I didn't mean to startle you!" said the voice & still my body refused to move! "Mummy!" Michael whispered excitedly, "Mummy! Mummy look!" he tugged at my shirt & pointed, "It's Matt! Matt the Hardy Boy! Like my toy!! Look!!" I finally drew in a breath & dragged myself up off the ground. My eyes started at his feet & slowly as I stood up I looked at his legs, his stomach, his chest & finally forced my head up to look at his face! It felt like it had taken every ounce of strength I had to lift my head those last few inches! Michael was still frantically tugging at my shirt & I quickly stepped infront of him so he had to peer at Matt from behind my leg! My heart was pounding & I just stood, staring at Matt, not knowing what to do next! "I.....er........wow! Err..........how are you? Are you ok?" Matt ran a hand through his hair. I just slowly nodded. "This must be little Michael....." He bent down to say hi to Mike but his voice trailled off when they were face to face & he looked shocked! "Go inside Michael!" I said, turning & ushering him towards the house. "But Mummy I..." "Now Michael! there's a good boy! I won't be long!" He reluctantly picked up his ball & went in the back door. Matt & I just stood there looking at each other. "Gemma I.....he....he looks like..........." he paused, "....Jesus!" He shook his head as if in disbelief! "Can we..........er...............talk maybe?" "Sure." We walked to the porch steps & sat down. So many times over the years had we sat there & sorted out the world's problems over a glass of lemonade! So many times had Matt made things right, sitting right there on those steps, but this was different & I knew he was no miracle worker! It felt like my life was this huge complicated jigsaw puzzle & I'd speant forever fitting all the little pieces together, only now some hurricane had come along & blown them all to hell! I had so many things I wanted to say to Matt, but nothing would come out! "So....how are you?" he asked. "Mmm...I'm fine...I guess." He laughed sarcastically & I hung my head. "I...well I mean WE missed you Gemma!" I just nodded, unable to find the words that I needed to say to him. "I need to understand why Gemma?" he blurted out suddenly & turned to face me, "One minute you were here, we were all here.....everything was fine then, what the hell happened?!" "I don't know Matt! that's the truth! All I know is something inside of me snapped, freaked I guess! Then as time went on it became harder & harder for me to come back & face everyone! Too many bridges to build....I guess! I'm.......I'm sorry Matt......I don't have an explination for you!" "But...." he paused, wringing his hands & sighing as if he too was trying to find the words, ".....we loved you gemma, I love you!" his eyes filled with tears, "...there wasn't anything in this world I wouldn't have gone through with you! We.......we could've handled it together, like we always did! You didn't have to go!" The tears spilled down his cheeks, I'd never seen Matt cry before. The amount of pain I'd caused just to him was evident right there, I'd just never realised it! I started to cry! "I'm sorry matt! I'm truely sorry!" He leaned over & wiped a tear from my cheek while letting his own drip from his face. Suddenly he grabbed me & lifted me to my feet, squashing the breath from my lungs. I burried my head in his chest & together we cried out there on the porch. I hadn't cried that much in a long time & I couldn't let go of him even when our tears subsided. We just stood holding onto each other in silence for probably twenty minutes. Eventually he spoke. "You ahh......" he sniffed, "You need to go see Jeff!" My tears came again & he held me still, stroking my hair & trying to calm me like he had done so many times before. "Shhhhh...it's ok! It's ok!" he soothed me. "I......I can't Matt!" I was still sobbing uncontrolably. "It's ok! It's gonna be ok, I promise you sweetheart!" "No Matt....no.....you don't know.....you don't understand!" "I think I do!" he squezed me tightly, "You love each other, now go make it right!" 


	6. Chapter 6

Chapter 6  
  
It was the longest walk I'd made in my entire life. My feet felt like lead as I slowly trudged along the road to Jeff's place. Matt had stayed behind at Dad's with the rest of them & he assured me that Gilbert was at the hospital so Jeff would be alone. Matt was right, I had to see him, I'd just nevr expected to deal with it so soon, I wasn't prepared! My heart was ready to jump out of my mouth & I felt like I was going to spew but I knew I had to face things, it had been long enough! I climbed the steps to their back door & just stood there, I felt numb! Just a few days ago if someone had told me I'd be standing at the door of Jeff's house I'd have told them they were crazy! But here I was! I lifted my hand to knock on the door but I couldn't - it just stayed there in mid-air, refusing to do what my brain was telling it! I lowered it again & sighed, looking up at the sky praying for the strength to get this over with! I must have stood there, rooted to the spot for at least ten minutes, but it felt more like an hour! Eventually I closed my eyes, took a deep breath & knocked on the door. Slowly it opened & I was face to face with the father of my child, the love of my life! Jeff's eyes widened when he saw me & we just stood there & stared at each other. He had a towel around his neck & he absentmindedly wiped the sweat from his face, not taking his eyes off me. I gulped & tried to speak, but nothing would come out. He was just like I remembered him, if not even more beautiful than the night I'd walked out of my life. His eyes were still deep & entrancing, his face perfect in every way. He took my breath away. Suddenly I remembered what Adam had said & now I realised what he'd meant. This was how love was meant to be, not some gradual, familiar thing, but a cold hard smack in the face!! We looked at each other for sometime before I finally managed to force out a word. "Hi!" "Gemma.....er......hey....wow! I....er.....oh sorry come in please!" he stepped aside, allowing me to walk into the kitchen, then closed the door & followed me inside. My heart was pounding so hard I had this crazy notion that he could actually hear it! "I......I......" I swallowed, trying to get a grip, "I saw Matt. He......er....he said you would be home...I thought..........well actually I didn't think at all, because if I'd stopped to think about it I wouldn't be here right now I'd have bottled it!" I was babbling but I couldn't seem to stop! "So, here I am....so.....how's it goin'?" Jeff smiled, "It's...erm......ok....yeah!" "Maybe this wasn't such a good idea, I should go..." I went for the door but he grabbed my arm. I closed my eyes at the feel of his touch on me again after so long! "Don't go please!" I turned to face him. "I'm.....I'm......sorry Jeff!" I looked up at the celing, "I know none of this is going to make any sense but....I just needed to say I'm sorry...I never meant to hurt anyone.....I just freaked..........I dunno.." He nodded slowly & released his grip on my arm. How I wished he would just grab me & kiss me like he did the night before I left, but I knew he wasn't stupid! This was one bridge I couldn't build back up in a day, it was going to take time. "Why....er.....why don't we sit down?" he gestured to a chair & I slowly sat down, he sat down opposite me. "Where do I start?" "You tell me Gemma," he said softly, "You tell me?" "I can't." He nodded. "Well it's been a while huh?" I lowered my head, this wasn't how I'd imagined it to be, but then, what did I expect? An 'open arms', 'all-is-forgiven' welcome after all these years without even a phonecall?! "Talk to me Gemma!" I sighed. "Look I was right....this wasn't such a good idea...." I stood up & headed for the door & Jeff stood up too. "I'm sorry Jeff!" I opened the door & stepped out into the sunshine. "Don't walk out on me again Gemma!" Jeff shouted. I ran down the steps & he ran after me. "GEMMA! I won't let you go this time!" he caught up to me & turned me to face him. I stared at him through my tears & he tried to pull me towards him. I wanted to be in his arms more than anything in the world, but I knew it wasn't right! I sank to my knees in the dirt, slipping out of his grip & putting my head in my hands. He knelt down opposite me & tried to hold me again but I pulled back. "Don't do this Jeff!" I sobbed. "Why?!" "Because you don't know! You don't know what I've done!" "I don't care what you've done Gemma, l love you! I've missed you so much, you can't even imagine....." "Please Jeff!! Just......just don't.....not yet!" His hands slipped to his side & we both just sat there in the yard while I sobbed & tried to find the words to tell him what I needed to say. "I'm gonna go home..." "NO Gemma! Not yet...." "Listen to me Jeff please!" I took hold of his hands, " I need you to come to Dad's place.....give me about 15 minutes then follow me! I swear to you I will be there....I promise!" He nodded, "Ok, I'll erm....get changed & follow you there!" "Thankyou!" We stood up & I turned to leave but he stopped me. "Let me hold you Gemma!" I looked into his eyes & it was all I wanted, all I longed for but I couldn't let it happen, not before he knew about Michael. 


	7. Chapter 7

Chapter 7  
  
I almost ran home. One hurdle jumped & now I had to explain all of this shit to a four year old boy! When I got into the house Michael was sitting on Matt's knee & my heart skipped a beat! "Mikey, go get washed up ready for lunch honey!" he did as he was told, hopping to the bathroom. Matt stood up & came to me. "Where is everyone?" "Hospital.....how did it go?" "Oh Matt.." I started to cry again & he held me, "I need to......he's comming over soon.....it's...it's gonna be hard....will you stay?" Matt nodded. "I'll be here." Michael came out of the bathroom. "Jake will never believe I met Matt Hardy!" he said, grinning! "Michael sweetheart....when we talked about Gum today....what I'm trying to say is....." "He's on his way up the drive Gem!" Matt said from the window. I sighed & bent down infront of Michael, "Gimme a hug big boy!" he threw his arms around me & my heart was breaking. "I love you so much you know that don't you?" he nodded. I stood up. "Here goes then!" Matt looked over at Michael. "Gem he's...well is Jeff....." I just nodded & I could see Matt fighting the tears, "Jesus!" he said before I stepped outonto the porch. Jeff saw me & slowed his walk as he neared the steps. "I need you to meet someone!" I said & Michael followed me out of the door. Jeff stood, frozen to the spot, staring in disbelief at the minature version of himself peering out from behind my leg. "Mummy...it's Jeff Hardy!" he whispered. "Why don't you go & say hello then?" I bent down ushering him towards Jeff. Before I could blink he bolted down the steps & threw himself around Jeff's legs! Jeff staggered back, confused & amazed! He looked up at me, his eyes full of questions & I just nodded then held my breath & waited for his reaction. He unhooked Michael from his legs & knelt down so he was face to face with him but held him at arms length. I stood on the porch, helpless, shaking, not knowing what he was going to do. Matt came out & put a reassuring arm around my shoulders but I hardly even noticed he was there! Jeff just stared at Michael, he seemed to be studying every inch of his face totally bewildered! "Are you Jeff Hardy?" Michael asked excitedly. Jeff nodded, still unable to speak. "I've seen you on TV at my friend's house! He says the Hardy Boys are the best!" A tear rolled down Jeff's cheek & he quickly wiped it away. It was more than I could stand & as I walked towards them, seeing them face to face brought floods of tears! Jeff looked up at me as I went & stood beside Michael. "He's..........he's..." I put a hand to my mouth & nodded, tears streaming from my face. Michael broke free of Jeff's grip & launched himslf at him, throwing his arms around his neck! Slowly Jeff put his arms around his son & held him tightly, unable to hold his tears back any longer. 


	8. Chapter 8

Chapter 8  
  
About 15 minutes later we were all still in the yard when Rhett, Pat & Greg arrived back with Kellie & Gilbert in the car. We tried to hide our tear - stained faces from them as they went into the house & Gilbert was the only one to notice that something was going on, so he stayed outside. We all stood there, looking at anything but Gilbert's questioning looks, our feet, the sky, the house, anything at all to avoid his eyes. "So, this must be young Michael then?" he said as he bent down to get a closer look, ruffling Mike's hair. We all held our breath, waiting for the realisation to hit him as it had done with Matt & Jeff, but there was nothing. "I finally get to meet the little guy!" he said smiling fondly at him. He lifted Michael up into his arms, "Come & let's see your Grandmar! I know she is dying for a hug!" He set off towards the door & then stopped, "Matthew........you might want to come inside too!" We all stared at him, astounded. "Sure Dad!" Matt said & followed him up the porch steps. "Dad!" Jeff called before they could go inside. Gilbert turned around. "Yes son?" "Dad...I...er......I..." "We'll talk later....you & Gemma.....you need to....well there's no one at home so maybe you'd like to take this young lady back for a coffee?" He walked inside with Matt following. We stood there in the yard not even looking at each other, hands in pockets, staring at the ground. Jeff turned & walked to the gate, I didn't know what to do so I just stood there, on the verge of tears again. Jeff turned when he opened the gate & gestured for me to follow him, so I did. We walked along the road in complete silence, well what did I expect? I just had the guy meet a son he didn't even know he had...overwhelming could be an understatement!! We didn't speak a word, not even when we got to Jeff's house & went inside. I just wanted him to say something, anything....the silence was crushing me but I knew I had to give him time, it was a huge thing to take in! When we walked into the kitchen he threw his keys onto the counter. "I........err......I have to go to the bathroom," he said walking to the door, "You can.....make a coffee...or something...whatever." He walked out of the room & he hadn't once even looked up at me. I made coffee, even though I didn't want one, & sat down at the table. 20 minutes later I still sat there, 2 cold cups of coffee infront of me & I couldn't take any more, I had to go & face him. When I went upstairs I saw him through the open door of his bedroom, his back towards me just staring out of the window. "Jeff?" He didn't move. I went to him & put a hand on his shoulder & he shrugged it off. I started to cry. "Talk to me Jeff...please?" He sighed, "What do you want me to.............what am I supposed to do here Gemma?" Still he didn't look up at me. I shook my head & sniffed, "I......don't know!" I said, almost whispering, and a purely selfish thought crept into my mind, 'Why didn't I just let him hold me before I took him to see Michael?' I suppose I knew in a way that I'd done the right thing at the time, but right at that moment I would've given anything for him to hold me in his arms & tell me it was all going to be ok! He sat down on the edge of his bed & put his head in his hands, and when he eventually spoke he still didn't lift his head. "Why......er.......why didn't you just tell me?" I shook my head, "I don't know......I was scared!" He nodded. "He's four years old Gemma! Four years & not once did you pick up the phone.....four years!" he laughed sarcastically, "Jesus what am I meant to do here?!" "Whatever you want to do! Anything...or....or...nothing! It's up to you Jeff!" Eventually he looked up at me for the first time since we left the farmhouse, his eyes red & full of tears. He ran his hands through his hair. "Does...er...." he sniffed & wiped a tear from his cheek, "....does he know...about me?" "No." He nodded. "What about your Dad?" "No." "Rhett? Pat?" "None of them know Jeff.....just me, and Matt now obviously." He let out a long breath & rubbed his face. "I.......I don't know what I'm supposed to say......" "It's ok, I'll go." I turned to leave. "I just need a little time....just to er..." he started to cry. All I wanted to do was go to him & hold him, wipe away his tears, but I couldn't. I just turned & left him alone, on the edge of his bed, sobbing. As I reached the back door I heard a crash from upstairs, followed by another louder one. Jeff shouted something & there was a bang as if he was hitting his fists off anything in sight. I left quickly & cried until I got back to dad's place. 


	9. Chapter 9

Chapter 9  
  
Gilbert was sitting on the porch steps when I got back to Dad's, he was watching Rhett & Matt playing with Michael with a small smile on his face! As I went through the gate Michael excitedly shouted, "Mummy! Mummy! Look at me!" as he rode around on Matt's back, giggling & screaming! I smiled as best I could & waved, before going to sit beside Gilbert on the steps. He smiled at me as I sat down. "Ok?" I swallowed, "Oh well.....y'know.." He nodded. "Gilbert, how did you know?" I blurted out, not even knowing if he really did know! "I didn't know, not for sure anyway!" He put his arm around my shoulders, "I had my suspicions, talked to your Dad.." "My Dad?" "Yes of course! I saw photographs of Michael over the years, your Dad was always proudly showing them off when he got back from one of his trips! I...well I could see the likeness!" he let out a laugh, "Of course your father thought I was being ridiculous & laughed it off, until I dug out some old pictures of Jeff..." he squeezed me, "....and.....well I saw you, in Jeff's bed the night before you left!" I stared at him, amazed, "Oh....I..." "Well, like I said I never knew for certain, hoped maybe, but....." he turned my face so I was looking at him, "...I knew if my suspicions were correct that you'd tell us in your own time! You're a good girl Gemma!" He smiled warmly at me. "You're not angry with me?" "Angry?" He laughed, "Gemma just look over there!" He pointed to Matt who was still playing with Michael, down on his hands & knees in the dirt! "I have a grandson & he's the most beautiful little boy I've ever seen! I couldn't be angry with you!" The tears welled up & as I blinked one slowly rolled down my cheek. "Hey now...less of that young lady! There's been enough crying around here for one day!" "But Jeff....he's so.." "He will come around, don't you worry!" He smiled. "He's so angry with me Gilbert! I've hurt him....I don't think he'll ever forgive me.....not this time!" "It's been a big shock to him Gemma! He never expected this!" "You didn't say anything to him....about what you thought?" "No....I never told him. He was hurting really bad when you left, he's been missing you Gemma! For five years he's never even bothered to get involved with anyone, well nothing serious anyway! You have no idea how that boy of mine feels about you! Give him time, he'll come to his senses, trust me!" "I hope so!" I sniffed & tried not to break down again. "I have to tell Michael! God this is such a mess!" "One thing at a time sweetheart! It'll be ok in the end!" I could't stop my tears any longer so I excused myself & went up to my room. I cried for a long time, I just wished I'd been honest from the start then I wouldn't be going through all of this shit! I was angry at myself for letting it go on so long & angry at myself for ever comming back to Cameron! The night I got there I dreamed about telling Jeff & that he would sweep me up into his arms & we'd live happilly ever after.....and now.....well I didn't even know if he'd ever speak to me again! I cried until I fell asleep. ******* When I woke up again everything was quiet. I just wanted to stay there & wait until everything was over, but I knew I had to get up & face the world again! I hadn't even been to see Dad yet! When I climbed out of bed my eyes were stinging from all the tears & my face felt puffy & swollen. I went & had a wash then I went downstairs. Gilbert was standing in the kitchen looking out of the window & as far as I was aware he was the only person in the house. He smiled as I walked into the room & beckoned for me to go to him. "Come & look!" he said, smiling. I went to the window as he put his arm around my waist & what I saw made my heart skip a beat! At the other side of the yard Michael was sitting on the grass with Jeff! I looked at Gilbert & he just smiled & nodded his head! It looked as if they were deep in conversation, Michael pulling up blades of grass & Jeff studying his every move! It was a sight that made me catch my breath, a sight I never thought I'd see! "Should I go out there?" "No. Leave them for a while! They have some catching up to do don't you think?" I nodded but I longed to go out there & join in, find out what they were talking about! Instead I nervously sat & had a coffee with Gilbert. "You've got a lot of bridges to build my girl!" he said as we were sitting at the kitchen table. I nodded. "It'll all be ok y'know?" "Yeah....I hope so Gilbert!" I smiled, "I think I should go & see Dad, he wanted me to take Michael in today!" I washed up the cups, all the time staring out of the window at Jeff with my son. I suddenly realised as I was standing there he wasn't just my son anymore! Ok so technically he'd never been just 'mine', but now it seemed diffrent, now I had to get used to sharing him! I'd never thought of it like that before! I quickly changed my clothes, did my hair & make-up then I took a deep breath as I opened the back door & stepped outside. They both looked up as I approached. "Mummy!" Michael said, getting up & running to give me a hug. "Oh Mike!" I said laughing, "You're all dirty! Look at you!" I bent down & tweaked his nose, "I can't take you to see Gramps like that!" I sensed that Jeff had gotten up & walked over to us but I didn't look up. "I fell off Matt when he gave me a ride!" he giggled, "I fell straight in the dirt!" "Yeah? No kidding!!" I laughed, "You look like you had a mud bath!" "Can I get clean & go & see Grandpa now?" "Of course sweetheart! Let's get you all nice & clean for Grandpa! He's looking forward to seeing you!" We headed back towards the house & Gilbert met us at the door. "My goodness! It's a mud monster!" he laughed & lifted Michael up, "Come on, let old Gilbert clean you up or you'll scare your Grandpa looking like that!" Michael giggled! "It's ok Gilbert I got it!" "Let me do it Gemma...please?" "Sure!" I nodded, "Thanks Gilbert!" "My pleasure!" he grinned at me & took Michael inside. "He's a great kid!" Jeff said, "You er....you did good!" he smiled & my heart skipped a beat. "Yeah! He has his moments, but he's basically a good kid!" I set off back down the steps towards dad's old jeep. "I'll have to see if this swine will start for me now!" I was just about to climb into the driver's seat when Jeff touched my arm. "Gem?" I stopped & turned to face him, "We...ahh.......we need to talk!" "Yeah we do, but I have to go & see Dad I..." "It's ok! When you come back, tonight maybe?" "Sure.!" "Errrm..." he shuffled in the gravel, his hands in his pockets looking down at the ground, "...can I...." he paused & looked me in the eyes, "...can I come & see Michael again? Just anytime that suits you.." I smiled, "Anytime Jeff....anytime you want to see him just come over ok?" He nodded & turned to walk away, "You'll come over to my place tonight then?" he shouted as he walked backwards towards the house. "SURE!" I shouted back & got into the drivers seat of the old jeep, smiling to myself as I watched Jeff walking away. 


	10. Chapter 10

Chapter 10  
  
Dad had looked a lot better at the hospital & seeing Michael really cheered him up! I was longing to tell him everything but the place was full of people visiting him & every time I opened my mouth to say something someone else would walk into the room! Eventually Pat, Rhett, Greg & Louise went home & Kellie took Michael to find a candy vending machine! I sat beside dad & held his hand. "You ok hun?" "Yeah.....Dad I need to talk to you about something!". I looked away. "Go on." "Well it's about Michael.." I paused, trying to find the right words, "Gilbert...well he was right....what he said to you about Jeff....it's true." "What Gilbert said? You mean Jeff is......he's Michael's father?!" he shuffled, sitting upright in bed. I nodded. "Yes Dad! He's Michael's father! I'm so sorry for lying to you Dad!" "Well....I...er...." he stopped & let out a breath, "....Gemma all this time....why didn't you say something?!" "I don't know Dad!" I said, telling my story for the 100th time that day, "I was scared! I didn't know what to do! I just panicked I guess....then once I'd told one lie the rest just happened & I didn't know how to get out of it!" "Does he know? Jeff I mean." "He does now!" "And?" "Well it's gonna take some time I guess...I don't know!" "What about Michael? Does he..." "No, not yet! I don't know how to tell him Dad!" He nodded. "I suppose it's never going to be easy Gemma, but the longer you leave it the harder it's going to get, you know that?!" I hung my head. "Come here you silly girl!" He held his arms open & I stood up, leaning over the bed as he held me. "I'm sorry Dad!" I whispered. "Don't be sorry, just get it sorted! Put it right ok?" "Yeah I will, I promise!" ******* Later that night when Michael was tucked up in his bed, blissfully unaware of the problems going on around him, I set off to the Hardy's house. When I got there Matt & Amy were getting into Matt's car, until Amy saw me! She jumped back out of the car, ran towards me & threw her arms around my neck! "Gemma!! Oh God it's so good to see you!!" I hugged her tightly & realised just how much I'd missed her all these years! "Good to see you too Amy, or do I call you Lita these days?!" I smiled. She laughed releasing her grip & looked at me, "Amy please!" she smiled, "Listen Matt told me, about the Jeff thing....I hope you don't mind?" "No, no I guess it's going to be common knowledge before much longer anyway!" "Crazy shit huh?" "Crazy is an understatement!" "Will you have time to have lunch or something, tomorrow maybe?" "I'll make time!" We hugged again & said our 'goodbyes', I watched their car pull out of the drive before heading up to the house. I was nervous as hell! I didn't know what I was going to say to Jeff & I didn't know what to expect from him! He'd already asked to see Michael again which I assumed was a good thing, at least a step in the right direction! As for me.....well I was back at square one! I had to try & hide the fact that I was totally head over heels for the guy & concentrate on the matter-in-hand! Michael was my baby boy, an innocent child & I'd put him slap bang in the middle of a battlefield! Now it was my job to protect him from the bullets!! I walked up to the door & was just about to knock when Gilbert opened it! "Gemma! Go right in! Jeff is just having a quick shower & he'll be right down! You know where everything is so make yourself at home!" "Where are you going? You can stay Gilbert, you don't have to leave!" I said, grabbing hold of his hand. "I'm going to see your Dad," he put his other hand on top of mine, "You don't need me here!" he smiled, "Your Dad, I take it you've told him?" "Yes, this afternoon!" "Good! Well then......this old Gramps is off to visit the other one!" he giggled & hugged me! "Gilbert.... "Just don't expect too much too soon....it's going to take time...ok?" He gave me one last reassuring squeeze & then I stood there & watched him leave me at the entrance to the mine-field! I wandered around the kitchen, decided I couldn't face another coffee & went into the living room. The first thing that caught my eye was a photograph in a frame on top of the bookshelf. I reached up & took it down, it was the photograph of all of us, the night we'd had the bar-b-que! We all looked so young! I smiled when I looked at us all fresh faced & ready to take on the world!! Then I remembered the feeling I had gotten that night, the strange feeling that we'd never be together ike that again & I know now I had been right! Chris & Michael were dead! That was the biggest shocker! I ran a finger over their faces in turn & remembered how they'd surprised me by not telling me Michael & Rhett were comming! I remembered Chris rolling in the dirt, pretending I'd injured him, it made me smile! How things change, all of a sudden, without warning those two were snatched from my life, it was so unfair! As I looked along the line of faces & came to Macey....Man! Macey & Shane! I laughed out loud as I looked at those two! I had been so torn up about them having an affair behind Jeff's back & right now it seemed laughable! I wished it was all I had to worry about!! It had seemed such a huge thing back then.....funny how I ended up being the bitch, the one to break Jeff's heart! Who would've thought it then?! I was shaken from my thoughts by a door slamming & footsteps on the stairs. I looked up at the open staircase to see Jeff comming down, toweling his hair, shirtless! I remember thinking his body looked even better, more toned....more attractive than the night I'd crept out of his bed! I turned back to the photograph, trying to keep my mind on the reason why I was there! He came up behind me, looking over my shoulder at the photograph in my hands & he smelled so good! I gulped & closed my eyes! "Great picture huh?" I could feel his breath, hot on my neck & it gave me goosebumps. "Oh yeah....I'll erm...have to ask your Dad for a copy!" I put the photograph back on the shelf. "Have you seen these ones?" he asked, heading over to the opposite wall. I followed him. "Me & Matt the first time we won the tag team championship!" he said smiling. "How many times have you won it?!" I smiled, looking at the photograph. "Ah...it doesn't matter...that was the first time.....the best time!" "Do you get to keep the belts then?" "We get replica's, they're on the wall in the study!" I laughed, "You HAVE a study?!" "Sure!" he laughed, "We had one built on, for Dad y'know? It has an extra bedroom above it too! We wanted to get him a new house but well, he wouldn't budge....too many memories here I guess! I'll show you 'round later if you like?" "Yeah, I'd like that!" I smiled, "What's this one of then?" I said pointing to another picture on the wall. "Dad took that one at a show in England! We thought it was pretty good so we had it framed for him!" "England huh? Wow! What about this....." my voice trailled off as I came to a photograph of Matt & Jeff standing alondside Edge & Christian! They were laughing, joking around, arms around each other's shoulders...it just hadn't been what I'd expected to see & it kind of took me by surprise! "Oh..." I looked away quickly. "Adam & Jay huh?" Jeff nodded. "So.....how are they?" "They're good." The atmosphere in the room suddenly thickened & threatened to choke us both! Jeff walked over to the couch & grabbed a white t-shirt that was hanging over the back, pulling it on over his head. "I'll...er...put this on then we can go see the study!" He went to walk past me but I grabbed hold of his arm. "Jeff...I'll see the study later!" I looked into his eyes & the image flashed into my head of the night I'd left, the way he'd loved me, how he'd made me feel.......I gulped. "Yeah....." he nodded, "I guess we should talk right?" "Right." 


	11. Chapter 11

Chapter 11  
  
We talked for a long time that night. I tried to explain as best I could what was going through my mind all these years & my reasons for walking out that night & leaving him lying in his bed. The truth was I couldn't even explain it to myself! I had tried to tell Dad, Matt, Gilbert but all I could say was that I was scared! What I'd had with Jeff meant everything to me & I was afraid! We'd crossed the line, no going back & I wanted it both ways! What if it hadn't worked out? We'd have lost everything...all those years of friendship, trust, loyalty...I didn't want to stick around & risk it all! I also told him how I was running away from Adam, taking the cowards way out so I didn't have to face him, look him in the eye & tell him it was over, watch the expression on his face as I broke his heart! I tried to explain how I'd felt the day the doctor confirmed my suspicions & told me I was pregnant! How so many times before & after Michael was born I'd picked up the phone but never had the bottle to call him. He seemed to be beginning to understand. Once or twice I'd reached for his hand, (old habits die hard I guess), but he would move it away before we touched. Eventually Gilbert came home & then Matt & Amy so it was impossible to go any further. He offered to walk me home as it was close to midnight & I accepted. We talked as we walked up the road in the darkness & decided we'd take Michael out somewhere in the morning & try to tell him. It was what Jeff wanted. How we were going to tell him was another matter entirely & neither of us had the answer. "Well....here we are." said Jeff as we got to Dad's gate. "Yeah, so I guess I'll see you in the morning!" "Around 9am ok with you?" "Yeah that's fine!" We both stood there, expecting something...............God knows what!! A bolt of lightening might have helped!! Eventually I turned & opened the gate. "Well, goodnight then." "Yeah....er....Gem?" "Yeah?" "We're gonna work this out right?" "Sure Jeff, we'll work it out......somehow!" He nodded, "Goodnight Gemma!" I watched him walk away & I prayed to God for the strength to just run after him & throw my arms around him! I guess God is a heavy sleeper as my legs went the other way & I walked back to the house. ******* Next morning Michael was thrilled when I told him we were going out in Jeff's car! He was so excited he couldn't eat his breakfast! I got him dressed & hugged him & told him for the 100th time that morning how much I loved him! When Jeff's car pulled up he ran outside before I could even get his coat on! "JEEEEFFFFFF!" he yelled, running down the porch steps & accross the yard! Jeff got out of the car & Michael ran into his arms! He looked so small when Jeff picked him up, so vunerable, my stomach was in knots! We got into the car & Jeff drove us to the local park. Michael took off as soon as we opened the car door, running from one thing to the next, not knowing which swing to sit on first or which way he should push the round-a-bout! Jeff chased after him & I found a bench & sat down, watching them play together. I still had no clue as to how we were going to tell Michael all of this but Dad was right, it was only going to get worse the longer I left it ! He loved Jeff, that was plain enough to see, but Jeff was one half of the Hardy Boys for Christ's sake - indestructable tag team champions!! What if Michael ended up loving Jeff for all the wrong reasons? The mind of a four year old was a funny thing! They saw the frosting on the cake & wanted it, but when they tried to eat what was inside they found it wasn't as nice as it first looked!! God this was a holy mess alright!! As I sat there watching them running around together I felt like grabbing Michael & heading back to Australia! Running back home, back to the safety net & back to the lies! At that moment I didn't care if Michael never even saw the cake, never mind took a bite! After a little while Jeff came back over & sat beside me on the bench. "Any ideas?" I just shook my head & looked over at my beautiful baby boy playing happilly on the slide giggling to himself! "Maybe I should be the one to tell him....on my own I mean?" "If that's what you want then sure....I don't want to preassure you into this though Gemma!" Michael ran over & grabbed my hand. "Mummy come push me on the swing!! I wanna go hiiiiiiigh!!" I gulped & gave Jeff a sideways glance, "Sure honey!" I stood up, taking a deep breath & Jeff caught hold of my hand. "It'll be ok!" "Yeah...it will." I walked to the swing being dragged along by Michael, trying despirately to think of how to start this ball rolling. As I was pushing him I decided it was now or never. "Michael......do you like Jeff?" I stopped the swing & hunched down infront of him. "Sure Mummy!" he said looking puzzled. "Well......see....the thing is.....honey you know how...er....Jake...he has a Mummy & a Daddy yeah?" "Yeah! Jake's Daddy's a builder! He drives big huge trucks Mummy! Reeeeally really big ones with great big wheels!" he said excitedly! "Well...sweetheart, your Daddy...he....well....he..." "I have a Daddy? Do I Mummy? Do I really have a Daddy?" I looked to the sky searching for inspiration but found none. "Yes honey, you do have a Daddy!" "Oh...is he a builder like Jake's?" "No darling he's not a builder." "What is he then?" I gulped. My mouth was dry & my knees were knocking together. "He's a....ahhh...he's..well...." come on! Come on! Get a grip! ".....He's.....honey he's over there!" I pointed in Jeff's direction & Michael's eye's followed my finger until they came to rest on the figure sitting on the bench. "Mummy that's Jeff silly!!" he giggled. "Yes....see...thing is sweetie....that's Jeff...he's, well he's your Daddy!" His eyes widened as he climbed down off the swing & slowly turned to walk over to Jeff. Jeff looked up & all I could do was shrug my shoulders & bite my lip! I had no idea what Michael was going to do & I was terrified! I followed him over to the bench & he stood directly infront of Jeff. "Jeff?" He said. "Yeah Mike?" "Mummy says that you're my Daddy!" I could see Jeff choking back the tears. "Yeah...er.....that's right little guy! I'm.....I'm your Daddy!" We both stared at Michael & he stood, unmoving, staring at Jeff. Suddenly & without warning he launched himself at Jeff, throwing his arms around his neck & hugging him tightly! Jeff picked him up & put him on his knee, his arms wrapped around his little boy & he looked up at me through his tears & mouthed 'thankyou!' before burrying his head into Michael's neck & crying. Michael looked up at Jeff & touched his wet face. "Why is your face all wet Jeff? Don't you want to be my Daddy?" he asked so innocently. I bit on my lip to try & stop the tears, this was their time, it was Jeff's time. "Mike.." he said, sniffing & wiping his face, "....I do want to be your Daddy.....more than anything..if that's ok with you?" he wiped his face again & took a deep breath, trying to keep his emotions under control infront of Michael. Michael put his head on one side & looked thoughtfully at Jeff, "I'd like that a lot but only if it's ok with Mummy too!" They both turned their eyes on me & I gulped, trying not to break down. "What do you say Mommy?" Asked Jeff, still sniffing, "Is it ok with you?" he smiled. "I say yeah...it's fine with me!" I smiled at them both & sat down beside them. I put my arm around Michael & pulled his head to my chest, so relieved this was over & yet still so scared all the same! As I held him I felt Jeff's arm around me, he held us both & I strted to cry. This felt so right & finally a huge weight had been lifted from my shoulders! For the first time in almost five years I knew I'd done the right thing! "Mummy?" "Yes honey?" I said sniffing & wiping my face. "Can we go to McDonald's?" Jeff looked at me in amazement, then we both laughed. "Sure thing kiddo!" Jeff said as Michael jumped down from his knee & ran around in a circle shouting 'Whoooppppeeee!' We both laughed at him running around with not a care in the world! It was like water from a duck's back, as if this was a regular everyday occurance & as long as we got to go to McDonald's it would all be just fine!!! Jeff suddenly leaned over & kissed me on the cheek! I turned to him & we smiled at each other, then we headed back to the car! 


	12. Chapter 12

Chapter 12  
  
The week went by very quickly! Dad was due out of hospital any time now so we were all looking forward to having him home again! Jeff speant a lot of time with Michael & they seemed to be getting along famously! Things between Jeff & me were pretty much the same, we talked a lot & took Mike out together to various places but still Jeff seemed to be keeping his distance from me. I guess it was just something I had to accept, that from now on I'd always be at arms length, a healthy distance away from getting 'attatched' again. I figured it was Jeff's way of dealing with this, just as mine had been to run away & at least this way he was still here! All hopes I'd had of ever re-living the night I'd left were completely blown to hell, but if that's the way it was meant to be then what could I do about it? I just had to keep reminding myself that Jeff had loved me once & his love gave me the most amazing gift, it had given me my son! The day before Dad was due to come home Matt & Jeff came over to the farmhouse. Jeff took Michael to the park & Matt stayed behind with me. We'd not had much time to talk since I'd come back & I was glad he decided to stay! As I made coffee he came up behind me & planted a kiss on the top of my head! "What was that for?!" I laughed, turning around to face him. He put his arms around me & we looked at each other for a few seconds. "Oh...I dunno! I just felt like it!" he smiled, "I'm glad you're back Gem! He pulled me to him & held me & I put my arms around him. "Oh Matt.." I sighed, "I'm sorry!" "Hey! You've done nothing to be sorry for!" "Yeah I have....just everything! I did miss you y'know?" I said over his shoulder, "I missed all of you so much!" "I know!" he said, stroking my hair, "But it's ok now! Everything's alright!" I made coffee & we sat down to talk. "So when are you guys going away?" "Three days then we have a show in New York to do! Hey you could come along too!" "I don't think so Matt!" "Why not? Michael would love it! You could catch up with everyone, Shane, Ada..." he stopped himself & I raised my eyebrows, "Oh yeah! I see what you mean!" he slapped a hand to his forehead & we both laughed. "I was thinking about Adam actually....how did it go, when I left? I mean him & Jeff? Did Adam ever find out about me & ......." Matt nodded, "He kinda figured it out on his own I guess! There was a bit of a scuffle in our yard...nothing major!" "Oh Jesus they were fighting?!" Matt laughed, "No not exactly, although Jeff kinda came off worse that day!" He grinned a mischievous grin! "That was nothing compared to when they got in the ring!" "Matt...you're kidding me?!" I was shocked it had gone that far! "No I'm not! Man our matches with Edge & Christian were fucking bloodbaths! Me & Jay had to try & stay in the ring as much as we could 'cause they were really going for it!" he shook his head & smiled, "I'm tellin' ya Gem, chairs to the face the works!! They used to crawl backstage after a match!!" "Jesus! I never even imagined they'd do anything like that!!" "Ah well I suppose it stopped them from knocking hell out of each other outside of work! I guess that was one good thing!!" he laughed. "So are they like.......are they ok now?" "Hell yeah! They get along just fine now! I guess neither of them could take much more punishment!!" he smiled & looked up at me, "Did you know adam...he...ahh he got married a little while ago?" I smiled, "Yeah I did hear something! He's er...he's happy now right?" Matt nodded, "That's good then, he deserves to be!" we smiled at each other. "What about you then? Did you ever find.." "NO!" I laughed, "I never did!" "Not even once?!" Matt asked surprised! "Nope! Aw come on Matt, for starters not many 'Mr Right's' go for single mothers now do they?!" I laughed, "Besides I never wanted anyone else...I didn't need the hassle! It was always just me & Mike & I liked it that way just fine! In fact I still do to tell you the truth!" "Wow! What a gal!" He winked. "Yeah? Just 'cause you guys can't live without it....." "Aw come on Gem you must have been tempted...once even?!" I shook my head & we laughed! "No, but I tell you something..." I motioned for him to come closer to me & he leaned accross the table so I could whisper in his ear, "....I'm sure as hell gagging for it now!!" He playfully pushed me & we dissolved into fits of laughter! Once we'd calmed down & the laughing subsided I decided to ask the one question I'd been dying to know the answer to all this time. "So, what about Jeff?" Matt looked up, "There was a couple....well two or three maybe, but they never lasted very long!" "Oh.......what were they like?" Matt sighed, "Do you really wanna do this?" I nodded, "You really wanna have this conversation?!" He looked at me with raised eyebrows & I nodded again. "Ok! Ok!" he held up his hands & leaned back in his chair, "The truth was Gemma they were.......well..." he sighed, "How do I put this?........They were groupies! Plain & simple!!" "What?!" "It's the truth! He used them.....screwed them...it was just a quick fuck! That's all it ever was for him Gemma, sex!" I was astounded! "Bu....but....no! Matt Jeff's not like that! He used to hate the guys in Omega who did that sort of shit!!" Matt nodded, "I KNOW! I tried to tell him....but well he went & did it anyway no matter what I said!" "Jesus!" I sat back in my chair, "So, hang on Matt.....two or three?!" I raised my eyebrows & Matt looked away shrugging his shoulders. "Matt?!" "Look Gem does it matter?! It's over! It's been a while since he did anything like that anyway! It was only after...." he paused. "After I went away?" I said almost whispering & staring down at the table in shame! "No! Look Gem we don't need to do this ok? Just forget about it...it doesn't matter any more!" he took hold of both of my hands & I looked up into his eyes. "Is...is that what I did to him Matt?" I gulped, "I turned him into something he always hated?!" I pulled my hands free of his grip & went to the sink, throwing the cups in harder than I meant to! Matt said nothing, he just sat there looking at me. I put my hands into the water & something sharp jabbed my palm. "FUCK!" I pulled my hand out & blood dripped down my arm. "Jesus!" Matt ran to me, grabbing a towel & wrapping my hand up tightly. "Fuck it! God damn bastard fucking cup!!" I started to cry. "Hey...shhhh..." Matt pulled me towards him & held me. After a few seconds I pulled back. "Jesus! I'm crying over a fucking broken cup now!" Matt just smiled at me. "Let me have a look at your hand." He unwrapped the towel & the blood still gushed out, dripping onto his shirt. "Oh shit Matt, your shirt!" "Don't worry about my shirt....let me look!" he grabbed my hand & inspected the cut, dabbing it with the towel. "I think you'll live!!" he smiled, "Only just mind you!" I laughed & wiped my face. "Yeah? You mean they won't have to amputate after all?!" He playfully punched my chin & then grabbed me around the waist & kissed my cheek. "I'm so glad you're here Gem!" he smiled & held me tightly. "Matt!! Your shirt!!" I said holding my hand up in the air away from his clothes. "Fuck the shirt!! Now give me a hug!!" 


	13. Chapter 13

Chapter 13  
  
The next day was pretty hectic! Dad came home & we all fussed over him until he decided he was going to have a lie down - truth be known he was probably sick of the lot of us running around like headless chickens! In the afternoon Amy came over & persuaded me to go out for a drive with her! We still hadn't had time to catch up since I got back with everything else that had been going on! Kellie insisted I went as she was dying to spend some time with Michael, but it seemed as though he was spending time with everyone but me these days! Not that Michael was complaining as he was being spoilled rotten!! I reluctantly agreed to go along with Amy & we ended up in a cafe drinking coffee! "Michael sure does look like a Hardy!" Amy said smiling! "Yeah he does! He's loving every minute he's with Jeff!" I sighed. "Well, that's not a bad thing now is it?" "No.....well it's just........oh I'm being ridiculous!!" "Come on what's on your mind hun?" "Amy he just talks about Jeff all the time! I'm just...." "Feeling a little left out huh?" "Yeah I guess! Is that completely stupid of me?!" "No. I can see where you're comming from! This is something you have to get used to as well as Jeff!" "Well he's Jeff Hardy isn't he!!" "I don't get ya?" Amy said giving me a puzzled look! "What I mean is he's a wrestler....a fuckin' superhero! Leaps ladders in a single bound!!" I sighed, "I'm just worried that now life with 'mom' might seem a little boring y'know?" Amy nodded. "Have you talked to Jeff about this?" I shook my head & took a gulp from my cup. "Things are a little weird with me & Jeff right now....I don't wanna rock the boat!" "Well, we're going away tomorrow so you'll have more time with Michael...I'm sure it'll be fine!!" "Yeah, you're right! I'm just being a neurotic mother I guess!!" I laughed. "So, are you sticking around for a while?" "I haven't even thought about it! Pat's gone to England this morning after Dad got home! I don't know what Rhett or Greg's plans are!" "So you're definately going back to Australia then?" I nodded, "Nothin' for me here Amy! Don't get me wrong I've loved seeing you guys again....and at least now I'll be comming back more often.." "I should hope so!!" Amy smiled. "Promise!" I winked, "It's Michael....he just doesn't belong here y'know? He's an Aussie!!" I said laughing. "Yeah but so were you....and you survived!" "HA! I did not! It was pure hell when I moved over here! If it hadn't been for Jeff...." I paused, "Well anyway like I said, I haven't given it much thought just yet! I just want to see Dad back on his feet again!" We drank some more coffee & talked about the 'old days' and is usually the case with Amy the subject turned to sex! "Man I can't believe you guys......you finally got it on!!" she laughed. I started to think about all the times she'd tried to get me to 'see the light' where Jeff was concerned! I never did listen! "So....what was it like then?" she said & leaned in over the table grinning! "Haven't we had this conversation before?!" I laughed, "I see you haven't changed much girl!!" "Oh come on! You know you are sooo dying to tell me!!" she laughed. "It was a long time ago!" "I know! I saw you in bed with him!!" "Jesus is there anyone who didn't see us together?!" we both giggled. "I dunno Amy...it was like everything I'd imagined it would be.....& more!" "Wow! It must have been DAMN good!!" I laughed, "It was!!" "So how come you didn't stick around then?" "Lots of reasons...Adam mostly! I couldn't have faced him Amy! It was just something I thought was the right thing to do at the time!" I smiled, "Y'know what? I'm so sick of talking about me all the time!! What about you & Matt!? How come you ain't Mrs Hardy by now?!" Amy choked on her coffee! "Settle down there girl! plenty of time for that!!" "Christ Amy how much time do you need?!" "Well it's...I dunno! I love him like crazy & yes if he asked me I probably would marry him tomorrow!! It's work, everything going on I guess we'll have time someday!! Hey did you know we were having a house built?!" "NO WAY!!" "Yeah!" She said excitedly! "Just along the road from their old place!" "Wow! Well that's like a step in the right direction then! It's totally like...wow!!" I grinned & squeezed her hand! "I know!! Hey c'mon, drink up & I'll take you over there to see it! I can't believe Matt didn't tell you already!!" "Ah well..I guess we've had a lot of shit to deal with this past week! Now....I'm ready so let's go! I can't wait to see this little love nest!!" ******* We drove to the house & it took my breath away! Ok so it was only half way to being finished but just by looking at it I could tell how beautiful it was going to be! We got out of the car & I whistled! "Wow!" I stared up at this huge amazing half-skeleton of a house in total awe! "Yeah!!" said Amy excitedly, "It doesn't look like much right now but in a few months it's gonna be a dream!" She hooked her arm through mine, "Come on! I'll take you out back...watch your step!" We walked around the back of the house & two figures were beavering away, sawing up some wood! "WOOOOO!Sexy builders!" shouted Amy! "Get your kits off!!" It was then I realised it was Matt & Jeff! They were both shirtless, covered in dust & wearing hard hats! I couldn't help but giggle! "Here!" I said reaching into my bag, "I guess it's a 'Diet Coke' break!!" I threw a can of Coke at them & Jeff caught it! Me & Amy laughed until we cried!! "Oh go on! Have your fun!" Matt said, comming over & grabbing Amy. She playfully swiped at his hands, "Matt you're all dirty! Get off!!" They started to kiss passionately & I rolled my eyes! "AHEM!!" Neither of them looked up! "Get a room guys!" Jeff shouted. "Oh but we have a room actually!" Matt lifted Amy up & she screamed as he carried her into the house. "GEMMA!! HELP!!" she shouted laughing & screaming! "No one can help you now!!" Matt laughed! I looked to the sky & shook my head, laughing to myself. "Some things never change huh?" I said as I sat down beside where Jeff was standing. He smiled, "Not those two! They're always at it!" he laughed, "Hey mind if I actually drink this?" he waved the can of Coke at me. "Knock yourself out but it's a little warm though!" "Doesn't matter, I'm parched!" He opened the can & gulped it down & couldn't help but snigger! "What?" he asked & I burst out laughing! "Same time tomorrow?!" I said between my giggles. "Huh?" "The AD??" He looked at me puzzled, "Oh it doesn't matter!!" He sat down & offered me the can, "Want some?" I shook my head & he started laughing! "What?!" "I get it now!" he grinned. I playfully slapped his arm, "You're hopeless!!" He smiled at me. "Crazy week huh?" I nodded, "Yup! Crazy week!" "Gemma, you're ok with all of this aren't you?" "Sure I am, why?" "I don't.." he sighed, " Well I never really stopped to think about how hard this all is for you too!" I Shrugged my shoulders, "It's ok really!" He nodded & smiled at me then looked back towards the house. He was sitting there, shirtless, sweaty & covered in dirt & yet I'd never found him more attractive! The mind is a funny thing! I smiled to myself & turned away. "Will you still be here when we get back from New York?" "Yeah....I'm kinda thinking about sticking around for a little while...make sure Dad's ok y'know?" I put my hand on his arm then realised what I'd done & snatched it away quickly, but it was getting harder & harder to stop myself from touching him! He smiled, "You ah.....you don't think they're actually screwing in there do ya?!" I laughed, "Yup they probably are!" He shook his head & laughed. "You & Matt aren't doing all of this on your own are you?" I said gesturing towards the house. "Nah......when we're away he has contractors in!" "Don't you want something like this then?" He sighed, "I didn't....well not at first, but now I guess it would be nice....for when Michael comes to visit!" I smiled & nodded, "Yeah that would be real nice!" Again I forgot myself & put my hand on top of his, he looked down at it, as if disgusted that I'd touched him & I quickly pulled it away. "I'm sorry!" He sighed, "No...I'm sorry! I...I don't mean to be like this...just..." "You don't have to explain, it's ok!" I stood up, "Tell Amy I'll see her back & Dad's place, I'm gonna walk...see ya." I dusted my clothes off & set off to walk home. I had been walking for about 10 minutes before I heard the footsteps behind me. I turned to see Jeff following me, his hands in the pockets of his jeans & his shirt hanging from the belt loop. I put my hand above my eyes, squinting from the sun. "Jeff?!" I started to walk back towards him, "Is something wrong?" "Yeah...something's wrong." he looked down at the ground. "What is it? What's wrong?" "This......" he put his arms around me & for a few seconds I was stunned! I stood there with my arms at my sides not knowing what was going on! Slowly I put my arms around his back, my mind racing & my heart almost beatling out of my chest! He rubbed his hands up & down my back, almost squashing the breath from my body! I ran my hands over the sticky, bare flesh of his back & closed my eyes, I couldn't believe this was happening! Finally I was in his arms & I never wanted him to let go! We were totally lost in each other & we must have stood at the roadside locked together for twenty minutes! We didn't hear Amy's car pull up a short distance away from us & we didn't see her staring, open mouthed at the sight of us together like that! Finally he losened his grip. "Don't let go Jeff!" I whispered. He paused & then held me again, one hand on my back, the other in my hair as he slowly rocked us both from side to side. I felt like I my legs were going to buckle underneath me. "Jesus I must stink!" he said & we both burst out laughing! As soon as I laughed a tear trickled down my cheek. We looked into each other's eyes, not letting go. "Yeah.....you smell pretty bad actually!" I said as we laughed. He wiped the tear from my cheek. "I'm sorry for being such an asshole!" I smiled at him, "You're forgiven!" I put my head on his chest, he was wet with sweat & I didn't really notice! Didn't really care! He held me tightly to him. "Gemma?" "Yeah?" He paused & I looked up at him, "What is it?" He smiled & brushed some hair from my forhead, stuck there from his sweat. "Nothin'!" We smiled at each other. "You....ah...better get going, Amy just gave me the finger!!" "Amy?!" I looked up the road & saw her car about 30 feet away from where we stood. "Shit! I didn't even know she was there!!" I turned to go but still he held onto my arm, neither of us wanted to let go. "GUYS!!" Amy shouted form the car,"If you're gonna be gettin' it on make it quick 'cause I'm late for an appointment!!" I shook my head & muttered "Shut the fuck up Amy!!" reluctantly I backed away from Jeff & eventually he let go of my hand. "See ya later then...maybe?" "Yeah," he smiled, "Later!" I got into the car & he watched as we drove out of sight. 


	14. Chapter 14

Chapter 14  
  
When I got into the car Amy stared at me! "What?" She raised her eyebrows. "What was that all about?!" I shrugged my shoulders, "I don't know to tell you the truth! He's hardly come near me since I came back then all of a sudden he chases me up the road to hug me! Go figure!" I sighed, "Something doesn't add up Amy, I dunno what it is but something ain't right here!" "You're filthy!" "Huh?" "Your shirt! It's covered in God knows what!" I looked down & she was right! "Oh right! Yeah! Ah well.....it'll wash!" "Are you ok Gem?" She gave me a puzzled look. "Me? Yeah fine! Why?" She shook her head, "Weird!!" "No no no! What's weird is you and old 'Matty boy' there screwing in a half-built house!!" I playfully slapped her arm! "As if we'd do something like that!" She said, grinning & I raised my eyebrows! "Besides, don't tell me you wouldn't have done Jeff in there in a second!" She laughed. I turned my head & looked out of the window, she quickly stopped laughing, "Oh hey! I'm sorry! I didn't mean it like that!" We pulled up in the driveway & I got out. "It's ok," I said, leaning into the car, "...you're probably right!" I slammed the door & went inside. ******* The next day Matt, Jeff & Amy came over to say goodbye before they left for New York. Jeff hugged Michael & told him he was going to miss him. "Can't I come with you Jeff pleeeease!?" Michael begged. "Not this time little guy!" Jeff smiled & ruffled his hair. "But I just wanna meet The Rock!" Jeff laughed. "How come everyone wants to meet The Rock huh? Why not erm.....Rikishi?!" Michael pulled a face & we all laughed! I was starting to realise that this little boy suddenly knew more about wrestling than I did! I guess the 'one or two' times he'd seen it at Jake's were more like ten or twenty!! "Ok some other time little buddy!" he tweaked his nose, "Now go say bye to uncle Matt & Amy while I talk to mommy!" Michael went runing toward the house then stopped & turned around as if studying us! I gave Jeff a sideways glance as a warning to expect the unexpected! "Mummy?" "Yes honey?" "Are you & Jeff going to kiss now?!" My jaw dropped! "MIKE!!" He giggled & ran inside leaving me & Jeff laughing in the yard! "Where did that come from?!" Jeff laughed. "Oh I could tell something was gonna come out! He gets that look! You'll soon pick up on it!!" We leaned on the car side by side. "Man this trip couldn't have come at a worse time!" "We'll still be here when you get back!" "Promise?" he looked into my eyes & took hold of my hand. "Yeah," I said softly, "I promise!" He leaned over & kissed my lips, letting it linger just long enough to make me catch my breath! "I.....er...I have to go home sometime though Jeff! Not just yet but...in a couple of weeks maybe." He squeezed my hand tightly. "But I don't want you to go Gemma! This is home! This is where you belong!" I shook my head, "No Jeff I don't belong here, not anymore & neither does Mike! He has school, friends......we won't be gone forever!" Jeff looked hurt, he bit on his lip & looked up at the sky. "Stay Gemma! Don't take him away from me again please! I've already missed so much!" Michael bounded out of the door followed by Matt & Amy. "Time to go!" Matt said as he opened the car door. I tugged my hand free of Jeff's & went around the car to hug Matt & Amy. "Don't break any bones!" I said smiling & they got into the car. Jeff was hugging Michael as I went back towards him. It broke my heart to think I woould be seperating them again, but no way could I bring myself to up sticks & move back to Cameron. It was something Jeff would just have to get used to! He stood up & Michael ran to the porch steps, waving. "So, see you in two days then?" "Yeah Jeff, take care!" I turned to follow Michael but Jeff caught my arm. "Think about what I said Gemma please?" "Jeff look...I'm not sta..." "Just think it over, that's all I ask ok?" I sighed & nodded my head, defeated. He pulled me towards him & put his arms around my waist. "I can't bare the thought of.......of losing you again Gemma!" "Don't say that!" "It's true! I don't want you to go!" He leaned towards me & our lips touched, I closed my eyes. "JEFF! Come on man we have to get going!" Matt shouted from the car. We looked at each other for a few seconds longer & then I turned away & went to join Michael on the steps to wave goodbye. ******* The next two days flew by. It was the nights that seemed to last forever! Michael kept me busy during the days, we played, went to the park, speant time with Dad & Kellie & generally had a good time! It was after he was tucked into bed at night & I was left with my thoughts that I found it hard to deal with. Jeff had left me confused! I couldn't figure him out, not the way I used to & it frightened me. I wasn't sure what it was he wanted from me & I was trying not to get my hopes up that he really did want me to stay & not just Michael. Still, even if it was I wasn't sure I could uproot my life again & drag Michael to live in cameron, not even for Jeff! He seemed to be all over me all of a sudden & it made me feel uneasy. Had it been a gradual thing maybe I could've handled it, accepted it, but he had gone from one extreme to another in only one day & I wasn't sure where it was heading. One thing I was sure of was that I still loved him with all of my heart but I wouldn't be doing anything about it until I was sure of his feelings towards me.........or would I?! 


	15. Chapter 15

Chapter 15  
  
The day Jeff was due back Michael speant most of his time either on the porch or looking out of the window, waiting for his hero, Jeff Hardy to come home! I felt like I was losing my own son & it was the worst feeling I'd ever had! My emotions were upside down & inside out! I was pleased Michael loved Jeff & vice versa, but I was torn between feeling happy for them & feeling sorry for myself! I'd always had total control over Michael's life since he was born, he was my foundation, my life & I would die for him, as would any mother for her own children. But now he had another parent, my equal partner in all decisions made about his upbringing, about his life & somehow I was going to have to get used to it. Deep down I knew that was one of the main reasons I wanted so desperatly to go back to Australia, at least then I would gain back some control over my son's life & everyday decisions! Yes it was selfish & heartless & once again I was being the bitch but I couldnt help it! I was so scared that I could not compete with Jeff Hardy the wrestler that I wasn't thinking about Jeff Hardy the human being! At around 3pm Michael came bursting into the room shreiking with excitement! "Mummy! Mummy! Jeff's here!!" he yelled as he frantically jumped up & down! "OK! OK! WOAH there little guy!! Calm down!" He grabbed my hand & dragged me to the back door, still jumping as we went outside! Jeff got out of his car & Michael flew towards him full speed, almost knocking hm onto his ass in the yard! "HEY!" he laughed, "I guess someone is pleased to see me huh!?" "ME! ME!" Michael shouted as Jeff hugged him. He looked over Michael's shoulder & smiled at me. God he was gorgeous!! I snapped myself back into focus & smiled back, mouthing "coffee?" & he nodded so I went inside & left them in the yard. They came in about 5 minutes later & thankfully Michael seemed to have calmed down! Jeff had bought him a Rock shirt & shades so Kellie took him upstairs to try them on. "So, did you win then?!" I asked, handing him his coffee & sitting down. "Nope!" He grinned, "But it's all part of a master plan!" "Oh right!" I smiled, "Where's Matt & Amy?" "Well they've gone to dump their bags then go & see how the builders are getting on! 2 days can make a big difference when the contractors are in!" "Yeah I bet!" We sat in silence for a while & I was starting to feel awkward, but Michael saved the day! "Look at me! I'm The Rock!!" he shouted as he bounded into the kitchen! I had to admit he did look cute, it brought a smile to my lips....until he ran straight past me & around the table to Jeff! "Hey look at the mini Rocky here!" Jeff said lifting Mike up onto his knee. I bit on my lip but forced a smile when they looked over at me. "You look quite the little pebble!!" Jeff laughed & ruffled his hair. "Wait 'til I show these to Jake!" Michael beamed! "He's gonna love them!" "Who's Jake buddy?" "He's my best friend in the whoooole world!" Michael smiled & Jeff looked away, saddened. "Mummy can I call Jake & tell him what Jeff got me?" "Oh...maybe another day sweetheart, not today ok?" Michael, somewhat downhearted nodded his head. "Come in here & show old Gramps this new shrt!" Dad called from the living room, so Mike jumped down off Jeff's knee & ran in to show him. "So, he's pretty close to this Jake then huh?" I was surprised at the question! "Well as close as four year old boys get I guess! He has a lot of friends! Why do you ask?!" Jeff sighed, "Nuthin' really..it's just....well he must miss his friends y'know? I feel a little...oh I dunno?!" "Selfish?" I blurted out! Jeff looked up at me, "Well yeah actually, if it's selfish to want to keep your son close to home then I guess I am!" He snapped. "I'm sorry Jeff! I didn't mean it like that!" "Yeah you did!" He shook his head, "Look Gemma I'm still getting used to all of this y'know? It's all still kinda crazy...& the thought of you two going away agin...well it makes me feel...scared!" I stood up & took the cups to the sink thinking how I just could not handle another discussion like this one, not right now! He followed behind me. "Look I don't wanna lay the guilt trip on you here..." "Oh really?" I turned to face him. "Yes really!" his face softened, "I....I missed you! I don't want you to go away again!" He put his head down. "Y'know Jeff it seems like you're real good at telling me what you don't want these days! What I'd like to know is what exactly DO you want!?" He took a step towards me & looked directly into my eyes. "What if I want you?" "Oh please!!" I said turning away. "What's so wrong with that?" "I don't know Jeff it's just wrong that's all!" "I don't think so!" He put his arms around my waist from behind me & pulled my body close to his. My mind was racing & so was my heart! "Don't you miss this? Miss me?" "You know I do!" "So..." he kissed my neck, "...what's the problem?" he kissed me again & I felt like melting in his arms. "I'm scared Jeff!" I said almost whispering. He turned me round to face him. "Don't be scared...." he brushed some hair from my face, "....I love you Gemma!" I looked into his eyes & no matter how loudly the alarm bells rang in my head I let him kiss me, let his tongue carress mine, let my whole body fall into his arms. We stayed locked together for several minutes in our own little world until we were interrupted by Matt walking in! "Where's the little guy...oh hey!" I pulled away from Jeff, slightly embarrassed, "Oh erm...hi Matt...erm...want a coffee?" "No thanks! I just came to see Mike if he's around?" "He's in the living room with Dad!" "Great!" Matt said going to the living room door. I just caught the look he gave Jeff before he went in & it made my stomach flip! "Wow! What was that look all about?!" "Oh you know Matt! Probably got a bee in his bonnet about something!" Jeff said trying to sweep it under the carpet. "So...." I looked at him & he smiled. "Yeah....where were we?" he said & took a step towards me, grinning. "Jeff!" I laughed, "Be sensible here!!" I playfully pushed him away! "Why be sensible?" he said grabbing me & kissing my neck, "Sensible is no fun at all!!" "Jeff!" I giggled, "Jeff please! Michael could walk in any minute!!" "Oh Lord it would be such a tragedy for him to see his Daddy kissing his Mommy now wouldn't it?!" he smiled. "We have to talk about this! It can't just happen....JEFF! Listen to me!!" "Stay Gemma!" I stopped giggling. "Don't start that agai..." "NO I mean stay......tonight...stay with me!" I gulped & he pulled me close to him. "I....but...I...I.." "You don't have to if you don't want to....but I want you to Gemma..." he was whispering in my ear, "Please, stay with me!" We passionately kissed again & he pushed my back against the counter, pressing himself against me & I knew I couldn't refuse him! I was helpless, powerless & I kept telling myself brainless too! Something wasn't right & my mind was screaming at me not to do this but my body just wouldn't listen!! 


	16. Chapter 16

Chapter 16  
  
So, later that evening Michael & I turned up at Jeff's house ready to spend the night. When I'd told Dad he thought it was a bad idea & that we shouldn't be rushing into things...in a way I agreed with him but what could I do? When you're in love nothing else matters whether it's the right thing to do or not! Dad wanted us to slow it down, do things properly & 'go out on dates', which made me laugh!! I'd said, "Dad we have a child together for God's sake! I think we are a little past the dating stage!!" He'd just given me a concerned, pleading look & of course I'd ignored him, packed an overnight bag & left! When we walked into the kitchen at Jeff's house they were all sitting around the table drinking coffee! I suddenly felt nervous, awkward, as if I was a school kid again & I was about to get caught sneaking around! Jeff got up to greet us & took my bag which Gilbert eyed curiously! "You're staying tonight Gemma?" he asked. I almost fell through the floor-Jeff hadn't told him!! I went a bright shade of red & looked down at my feet. "Um......er......well...yes if it's ok with you...if you don't mind having us for the night!" Matt immediately stood up, slamming his chair so hard it made me jump, & he followed Jeff upstairs. Something was going on here & I didn't like it, my stomache churned! I looked pleadingly at Amy for an answer but she looked as dumb-founded as I was! "I don't mind you're always welcome here Gemma you know that!" Gilbert stood up, "I don't mind at all!" he said quietly. "Now then young fella...you've come to stay at Gilbert's for the night huh?!" he lifted Michael up into his arms. "Yes I have!" Michael said smiling at his grandfather! "Well then I guess we could let you pick which room you want to sleep in tonight!!" "YAY!" Michael cheered excitedly as they left the room. I sat down with Amy at the table & sighed. "So,,," she said taking hold of my hand, "Which room are you going to be sleeping in tonight?!" she grinned! "Don't you start!!" I said & playfully pushed her arm. "But you & Jeff....you're erm....sorting things out right?!" "I think so Amy......he asked me to stay!" "Well why aren't you shouting it from the rooftops?!" I shrugged my shoulders, "I duuno....just well...maybe it still seems a little weird y'know?!" She nodded. "I can't put a finger on it but something's strange! Look at the way Matt reacted just then! Have I done something to upset him?" "I honestly don't know what's gotten into Matt! He's been quiet ever since he came back from your Dad's! He won't tell me what's bugging him!" "He saw us kissing....gave Jeff a look like he was gonna throttle him! I must have done something!" "I don't think it's you, I think it's Jeff! You could cut the atmosphere in here with a knife earlier..and..." she stopped. "Go on!" "Well it's probably nothing but I heard them talking rather loudly when they got back from your Dad's!" "You mean they were arguing??!" I said surprised! It wasn't something that happened very often! "No...well..maybe! Oh look I don't really know!" "Amy come on! What were they saying?!" "I didn't hear much, just Jeff shouting something, Matt shouting back at him then Jeff told him to butt out & mind his own business!" She shrugged, "I don't know what's goin' on!" "Gem do you mind if I take Mike out back to play?" Jeff asked as he walked into the kitchen with Michael tagging along behind. "No, sure! And Jeff?" "Yeah?" "You don't have to keep asking ok?" He nodded. "Amy do you want to come too?!" Michael asked, tugging at her sleeve, "Jeff is gonna take me to see the pond! We might find some frogs!!" "Frogs huh?!" Amy smiled then pulled a disgusted face! "As long as no frogs come near me! Will you protect me?!" she put her arm around Mike's waist. "Yeah I'll save you from the froggies!!" Michael giggled! Jeff took Mike outside & Amy turned to me, "I'll see if I can get anything out of him ok?!" I nodded, "Don't worry about it I'm sure it's nothing!" "Yeah I'm sure you're right!" I smiled at her & she went outside with the others. As she went out of the door Matt walked in & offered to make coffee so I accepted. We sat down side by side at the table in silence for a while until eventually he spoke. "So you....ah.....you're staying with Jeff tonight?" "I think so!" He nodded, "Is that a wise move?" "Matt what's goin' on?" "Nothing, nothing.....just well you don't want to rush into anything that's all!" "Have you & Jeff been arguing? Was it about me?!" He hung his head & sighed, "Well we had a bit of a dissagreement but it wasn't over you! Jeff was just being an asshole!" "So what happened? You two don't usually fight!" "It was nothin'...I want to talk about you here!!" "What about me?!" I laughed but Matt's serious expression didn't change & he grabbed my hand. "Gem....are you sure about this...about Jeff? It's been along time y'know?" "I love him Matt!" "That didn't answer my question!" I gulped, "No...I'm not sure....not really...especially now that the whole world knows I feel...oh I dunno?" "Rushed?" I let out a laugh! "I'd hardly call 5 years rushing things wouold you?!" "Yeah but it was 5 years apart Gemma! Thing's change! People change!" "Has Jeff said something to you about this? About me?!" "No, just look..." he paused, "....for me...just don't rush into anything you're not sure of ok?!" I sighed, "You're right! Everyone's right! As usual Gemma is way off the mark AGAIN!" I said sarcastically. "Don't be like that Gemma! I didn't mean to upset you! I'm just worried I guess!" "ABOUT WHAT!?" I shouted, "Look Matt I've had all this shit from Dad already and now you too! My head is spinning! Everything was fine & now the whole world knows I came here to sleep with your brother!! Jesus give me a fuckin' break here will ya?! If you have something to fuckin' say then spit it out!!" I stood up & walked away. My mind was racing & I was angry at Matt for his interferrance! "I don't think Jeff is ready!" he said quietly. I stopped in my tracks & went back to him. "WHAT?!" "Just trust me! I know my own brother & I think he is doing this for all the wrong reasons, he just doesn't know it yet!" I sat back down & put my head in my hands. "Matt I'm so confused!" I started to cry & he put his arms around me. "Oh hey! come on! I didn't mean to upset you!" "What am I meant to do here Matt?!" I sobbed. "Look just wait a while ok? I'm sure Jeff loves you...just give it some more time! If you rush head long into something.....well I'm just worried you are both gonna get hurt & I dopn't wanna see that happen again!" I nodded. "Oh Matt I'm more angry at myself than at you! I knew this wasn't right but...I just....I love him Matt! I love him so much!" "Shhhh. I know sweetheart. I know!" 


	17. Chapter 17

Chapter 17  
  
Gilbert walked in as I was crying on Matt's shoulder & I quickly wiped my face. "Gemma.....the er...the spare room is all ready...if you want it?" I smiled & nodded. Gilbert somehow always knew the right thing to do even before anyone had told him what was going on! "Thankyou Gilbert! I'd like that!" He squeezed my shoulder as he walked past me & out of the back door. "How does he do that!?" I giggled. Matt laughed, "Oh you mean 'Old Yoda' there?!" I joined in the laughter. "Old Yoda?! That's a good one!!" We were still laughing when Jeff came back inside holding his arm. "What's wrong? What's happened to your arm?!" I asked getting up & going to him. He smiled. "Nothing, just kinda fell off a wall!" "Let me see!" "It's fine!" "Well if it's fine then I'll have nothing to look at then will I? Now take your top off!" Jeff winced as I helped him out of his shirt. "God you are such a whimp!" I laughed, "You jump off ladders for a living & you don't even know how to fall off a wall!!" I lifted his shirt over his head. "OW!" Jeff jumped. "It's grazed pretty bad.....might end your carreer a graze like that!" I giggled, "What were you doing on a wall anyway?!" "Mike saw a bug & he wanted me to catch it to scare Amy! I just slipped!" "A bug?!" "Yeah what about it?!" "You were beaten by a bug?! Oh if only the fans could see you now!!" "Hey that's near enough to the truth! When I landed in the dirt Mike gave me the three count!!" We both laughed. "Matt did you hear tha...." I turned around but Matt had gone! "Where did he go?!" Jeff shrugged. "Didn't notice him leave, OUCH!" "Don't be a baby! I have to get all the dirt out or it will get infected!" I said, dabbing a wet cloth onto his grazed arm. "There! That shouldn't need surgery now!" "Thankyou nurse!" Jeff said sarcastically looking at his arm. "Jeff?" He looked up at me, "Yeah?" "Your Dad got the spare room ready for me!" "Oh man!! It's ok I'll talk to him!" "No listen I thought maybe I would sleep in there tonight...if that's ok with you?" "Is that what you want?" I nodded & he stepped closer to me. "Even when I do this?" He kissed my neck & my whole body tingled. "Yes Jeff....please don't!" "But I want to!" he put his arms around my waist & we looked into each other's eyes. He smiled. "If you want to sleep in the spare room then that's ok!" He kissed my lips. "I just don't want to rush into anything! I don't want to screw it up again!" "It's ok! I know! Whatever you want is fine!" He leaned in & passionately kissed me, his tongue deep in my mouth & I felt weak! I rubbed my hands up & down the smooth bare flesh of his back & I could feel his hardness pressing against me through his jeans. We broke the kiss & I gasped for air. "But you didn't say anything about right now!" he whispered, kissing my neck & pressing his body against mine. "Jeff we can't! Everyone's just outside! It's too awkward!" I playfully pushed his chest, "Come on get real we can't not here, not now!" "Don't you want to?" "Yes I do, just not right now!" He groaned & moved my shirt down so he could kiss my bare shoulder. I closed my eyes, almost dizzy & breathless & wished it was another time & place. I heard shouts & laughter comming from outside & it snapped me out of my fantasy world! "Jeff they're comming inside!" I pushed him backwards & quickly straightened my clothes. "I'm gonna...erm.....go to the bathroom!" Jeff said & as he rushed out of the room the others came in the back door. Nobody saw anything! ******* After we'd had dinner Gilbert took Michael up to bed to read him a story! He was really enjoying being a grandad & it suited him too! Matt had driven Amy home & Jeff & I decided to go for a walk. It was a beautiful night, mild & quiet with the sky full of stars! We sat down on the grass beside a little stream that was just a few yards away from Matt & Amy's new house & Jeff put his jacket around my shoulders. "What's this...Thriller?!" I Giggled. "Oh yeah I meant to tell you something....I'm not like other guys!" Jeff smirked, putting on a silly high-pitched voice that was meant to immitate Michael Jackson!! I laughed, "That was nothing like Michael Jackson you ass!!" Jeff responded by howling at the moon & we both burst out laughing again! "I have a surprise comming for Mike tomorrow!" He grinned. "Oh?" "Yeah maybe even you too if you're a very good girl!!" "What is it?!" "Ah now that would be telling!" "JEFF!" "Nope! My lips are sealed! You'll just have to wait & see, it'll be here first thing in the morning!" "Spoil sport!" I said & stuck outmy tongue! "It's nice here, peaceful!" "Mm..I come here quite alot when I'm home!" "Yeah? Well not for much longer I'll bet!" "Why's that?!" "I can see Matt & Amy's bedroom window from here!" I pointed & he looked up, "You really don't wanna hear those noises while you are contemplating the meaning of life!!" I smiled. "God no! That's too sick!" "What's sick about it!?" I laughed. "Girl do you ever want the image of any of your brothers humping in your head?!" "EW! That's sick!" We laughed. "My point exactly!!" "God those two are so in love!" I smiled, "I think they are the only couple I know who have stayed together for this amout of time!" Jeff nodded. "Yup! They're pretty amazing!" he went quiet for a few seconds. "It could've been us Gemma!" He looked away. I was a little surprised he'd said that so out of the blue & I didn't quite know what to say! "I....I guess..." I stammered. "I know!" he said quietly, "If you'd stayed, that would have been our house being built right there!" I didn't like the way this was heading! "I think we should go home! It's getting late!" I stood up but he stayed there, sitting on the grass with his legs outstretched infront of him. "Is it I wonder?!" "Is it what?!" "Late Gemma.....is it too late?!" "I'm going back!" I walked away & heard him following me. He grabbed my arm & hurled me around to face him. The pain shot up into my shoulder! "You didn't answer my question!" he said through clenched teeth! My heart pounded! I Was terrified & he was squeezing my arm so hard that my hand was going numb! I was totally dumbstruck, unable to form any words although my mouth was open! I'd never seen Jeff lose his cool like this before! "You're......y...you're hurting me." I said quietly. He released his grip quickly, as if he'd suddenly come to his senses! "I'm sorry! I'm sorry!" he ran his hand through his hair, "I didn't mean to get so angry I don't know what came over me!" "I want to go home!" I Was shaking from head to toe & on the verge of tears. I turned to walk away & he softly put his hand on my shoulder. "Not just yet!" I froze, still al ittle scared of what was going to happen out here in the middle of nowhere! He walked infront of me so we were face to face in the moonlight. My heart thudded in my chest! Without warning he kissed me. I felt so confused & I wanted to pull away but I just couldn't! He seemed to have some sort of hold on me & somehow whatever he did I'd always give in - I couldn't help it! As we passionately kissed I felt him slide the jacket from around my shoulders & heard it crumple to the ground. He had both of his hands on the back of my head, running his fingers through my hair & carressing my neck. I was like a puppet with no control over my body while in my head a voice screamed at me to stop! My hands slid up under his top & I felt his toned chest with my fingertips, I just couldn't stop myself! A few minutes earlier I'd been afraid of him, but he was all I'd ever wanted for most of my life & I couldn't let this go! He gentally laid me down on the grass & began to undo my jeans, kissing my stomach lightly & making me shiver all over until I felt like I was unable to breathe without him. Before I knew what was happening he was inside of me & I gasped as he kissed me deeply. I could feel the grass, damp underneath me as we made love for over an hour. This is what I'd wanted for so long, what I had dreamed about for five years & yet afterwards as we stood up & got dressed & held each other something was still eating away inside of me & I just couldn't figure out what the hell it was! Before we headed home Jeff held my face in his hands just inches form his own. "We're gonna be ok Gemma! I promise!" I nodded but as he held me & stoked my hair, my face burried in his shoulder I wasn't so sure at all! 


	18. Chapter 18

Chapter 18  
  
When we got back to Jeff's the place was in darkness & I was relieved. "Would it be ok if I took a shower before I went to bed? I'm kinda dirty!" Jeff smiled, "Yeah go for it! You want me to fix you a drink...coffee or something?" "Yeah thanks! I won't be long!" I got into the shower & it felt great! I still had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that I just couldn't shake, but as the hot water washed the grass from my hair it seemed to be washing my troubles away with it! What I concentrated on was what had just happened between me & Jeff. I smiled as I recalled every detail of how we'd made love......maybe it was going to be ok? Maybe Jeff was mine again? It sure as hell felt like it when we were rolling around on the grass earlier!! If only we could stay like this then things would surely work out, nothing would come between us! As the soap suds slid off my arm in the water I noticed the bruise & my heart sank! I remembered the look on his face when he'd grabbed me & the tone of his voice, so harsh & hateful. I touched the bruise & winced from the pain. What the hell had come over him for those few seconds out there in the dark? I tried to push it aside & concentrate on getting washed, but the image of his face came back to me over & over again. It had felt as though he had wanted to hurt me, like he felt I deserved to be hurt for keeping his son from him! I caught hold of my thoughts & told myself not to be so damn dramatic! This was Jeff I was thinking about here! The nice guy I'd grown up with & known for most of my life! I shook my head & told myself to get a grip! I got dried, tied up my hair & put on my pj's, they were short sleeved so I slipped a cardigan over the top to hide the bruise before I went downstairs! When I got to the kitchen Jeff was sitting at the table so I sat down opposite him. "Better?" "Mmmm...much better thanks!" I smiled. Jeff let out a laugh & I gave him a puzzled look. "What's up?!" "Oh it's nothin'......just a stupid thought that popped into my head! Forget about it!" "No come on, tell me!" He looked down at his cup. "Well I couldn't help thinking....maybe it was me you were trying to wash away up there!" "Oh Jeff....don't be crazy! I was covered in grass & dirt & I think I had a field up my ass for God's sake!!" We both laughed & then he looked up at me, his eyes deep & beautiful. "I can't help feeling a little insecure y'know? You'll have to bare with me, it'll pass!" He reached accross the table & squeezed my hand. "I'm not going to run away again Jeff, wherever I go, wherever I end up I promise you'll always know where I am ok?" He smiled, "Yeah I know! Ignore me!" "You gonna tell me what's up with you & Matt?" "Nothin's up!" "Come on man......I know when there's tension between you two! I can see it when you're both in the same room!!" "It's just a brotherly dissaggreement! He's just being an asshole!" I smiled remembering that had been exactly what Matt had said about him! "Well if you're not gonna tell me then I guess I'll go to bed!" I stood up & took my cup to the sink. "Want some company!?" Jeff grinned. "I don't think that's such a good idea do you?!" "Why not?" He stood up & came over, putting his hands around me. "Sounds like a great idea to me!" "I don't think your Dad would be very happy!" "Oh Dad's ok! He'll understand!" he kissed me, his hands rubbing my shoulders as he pushed my cardigan down over my arms & it fell to the floor. His hand cupped my breast, gently squeezing it & I gasped! Why could I never say 'no' & mean it?!! At that moment I wanted him in my bed more than anything! We parted & he took my hand, turning to lead me upstairs. Suddenly he stopped & looked back at my arm. "What's that?" he said, pointing to the bruise. "Oh.....I er...it's......" "Is that what I did?" he looked so ashamed, so hurt & my heart melted for him. "It's ok! It's nothing really!" He let go of my hand & rubbed his face. "Jesus I did that?!" He lifted my arm to get a closer look at the deep purple bruise that was rapidly looking worse than it felt! "Jeff......." I touched his face & he looked up at me, his eyes filled with tears, "It's nothing! Forget it! It was just an accident ok?" "I'm so, so sorry!" He whispered, "I don't know what came over me! I didn't mean it!" He tried to say something else but I just planted a kiss on his mouth to stop him going any further. We couldn't wait until we got to the bedroom & we ended up having sex right there, standing up against the kitchen counter!! Eventually we both crawled upstairs & into the bed in the spare room Gilbert had made up for me. I had my pj's on & Jeff had gotten changed into a vest top & shorts, it wasn't sexual, it was just nice! I lay in his arms & we talked for a little while about nothing in particular & the last time I looked at he clock before I fell asleep it was 2:10am. Next thing I knew I was being shaken awake. "Mummy!" Michael whined. I looked at the clock again & it was 4:30am. "What's the matter honey?" I said sitting up & rubbing his arm. "I had bad dreams!" "Oh come here sweetheart!" I hugged him, "You wanna sleep with me tonight?!" He nodded, rubbing his eyes, "Come on then." He crawled over me & it was then I remembered Jeff was in the bed with me! I held my breath waiting for him to say realise & start asking questions! He didn't say anything! He just crawled inbetween us like it was an every day normal thing! Jeff stirred as Michael snuggled down under the covers & opened his eyes. "Bad dreams!" I whispered & I could see the big smile on Jeff's face as the three of us curled up together & went to sleep! 


	19. Chapter 19

Chapter 19  
  
The next morning I woke up & turned over to look at Michael & Jeff curled up asleep together! They looked so alike it was unreal & very cute cuddled up to each other, it made me smile! I quietly got out of bed & crept downstairs to make coffee & have some 'quiet time' to myself before the rest of the house woke up! I loved the early mornings when no one else was around, it was my favourite part of the day! It was sunny & surprisingly warm outside for 7am so I decided to take my coffee & sit on the porch, listening to the birds singing. The uneasy feeling I'd had the night before seemed to have completely gone & in it's place was a feeling of warmth & happinness, I felt good for the first time in years!  
  
About 20 minutes later I heard someone shuffling around in the kitchen but I just stayed where I was, enjoying a few more moments to myself before the days dramas were upon me!! Eventually the door opened & Matt walked out, wearing shorts & a vest not unlike Jeff's, obviously the two brothers had the same taste in nightwear!! He jumped slightly when he saw me sitting there & I smiled!  
  
"Jesus! I thought everyone was still asleep!"  
  
"Naaah...I like this time of day, before everyone gets up!"  
  
"Me too!" He sat down beside me with his coffee, "I'm usually first one up around here! I love it when it's warm & I can sit out here!"  
  
"You're just an old softie really aren't you?!" I laughed.  
  
"Who me?!" He pretended to act tough & flexed his muscles, I giggled! "Ah Gem it's so good to have you here ya know?!" He put a hand on my knee.  
  
"Yeah........I'm starting to think that way myself actually!"  
  
Matt raised his eyebrows, "Are you thinking about staying then? Permenantly?"  
  
I shrugged, "I don't know really....I have to think it over some more I guess....talk about it to some people....who knows? I will tell you it's more of a possibility right now than it ever has been!"  
  
"Which people do you need to talk to about it?"  
  
"Well Dad, Michael, Rhett...."  
  
"And Jeff?"  
  
I looked away, "Maybe Jeff too......sure!"  
  
"What happened last night Gemma?"  
  
"What do you mean?"  
  
"With you & Jeff? Did you talk, try to sort this out?"  
  
I avoided his gaze because Matt usually knew when I was lying! "Yeah we erm sorted stuff out y'know?"  
  
"Oh Gem!" He looked to the sky & then shook his head.  
  
"What?!"  
  
"I can see right through you! Y'know I can!" He paused, "You slept with him didn't you?!"  
  
"Matt please don't start! I know what I'm doing ok?" I stood up to walk back inside but he grabbed my arm, only gently, but it was enough to make me wince! The pain was right through my shoulder & into my neck as if somethig had torn! He looked at me, puzzled for a few seconds & then down at my arm when I was horrified to see the bruise had taken the form of an almost perfect hand print!!  
  
"What the fuck is THAT!!?"  
  
"Nothing Matt! And don't shout or you'll wake the house up!"  
  
"I'll fuckin' kick his skinny ass!!" Matt tried to push past me & into the house but I blocked the door.  
  
"Matt no! MATT! it wasn't even Jeff ok?....calm down for God's sake!"  
  
"Did he hurt you?"  
  
"No! I already said it wasn't Jeff alright?! Matt please!!" It took all my strength to stop him from getting into the house. "MATT! Look he's asleep in the spare room with Michael....you go up there shouting & Mike will be terrified! Is that what you want?!" He stopped trying to get through the door & his body seemed to relax. I turned him around & made him sit back down.  
  
"Tell me the truth Gemma! What happened? What did he do to you!?"  
  
"What do you take him for Matt?!" I said trying not to lose my temper, "Someone that beats up women? He's your brother!! It was....." I tried to tell him the truth but I spoke before my brain kicked into gear! ".....Well when we.....ahh.....y'know? Just well.......we got a bit carried away! It happens!"  
  
Matt let out alaugh. "You're telling me that happened while you were having sex?!"  
  
I laughed awkwardly hoping to cover up my lying face! "Yes that's how it happened!"  
  
He nodded, "Well damn girl....you must be good!!" he laughed.  
  
"The best!" I said playfully nudging him.  
  
"I'm sorry!"  
  
"You should be telling Jeff that not me! I don't know what's gotten into you two lately but I don't like it!"  
  
"Yeah I guess we have to try & talk! He just knows how to wind me up Gem!"  
  
"Of course he does! That's what little brother's are for!"  
  
"Yeah but he used to know when to quit, how far he could push me....but now.....he just keeps on & on...." he sighed, "....I swear two or three times this past week I've come this close to losing it with him & just kicking his ass!! I don't know what the hell his problem is!!"  
  
"He's had a lot to deal with lately Matt!" I said, putitng my arm around his shoulders, "I guess I'm to blame for that! Finding out you have a four year old son out of the blue like that....well it's bound to fuck him up a little! Just give him some time I'm sure he'll be ok!"  
  
*******  
  
When we were all up, dressed & had eaten breakfast I watched Matt & Jeff closely but the tension seemed to still be there! They passed each other on the stairs & I prayed one of them would say or do something! Matt patted Jeff on the shoulder & smiled, "Hey bro!"  
  
Jeff looked a bit surprised but smiled back & nodded as they walked in opposite directions! 'Step in the right direction!' I thought to myself & went into the kitchen to clear up the breakfast things. I was washing up at the sink when Jeff came in.  
  
"Mike why don't you go & put on your new shirt & shades before your surprise gets here!!"  
  
Mike ran upstairs, squeeking with excitement!  
  
"I wish you'd tell me what this big surprise is all about!"  
  
Jeff came up behind me & put his arms around my waist. "You'll see soon enough!" He said over my shoulder, "Now, come here & kiss me!"  
  
I turned around & put my soapy hands behind his head & he kissed me passionately. We were interrupted by a cough & when I looked up Gilbert was standing at the kitchen door with Michael!  
  
"Ah....if either of you two had been paying attention you'd have noticed a car pulling up in the drive! I think the surprise has arrived!"  
  
There was a knock at the door.  
  
"Wanna get that Mike?!" Jeff said grinning!  
  
Michael skipped excitedly to the door & opened it. When I saw the 'surprise' it made me take a step backwards & Mike did the same!  
  
"Michael aren't you gonna say hi to your guest?!" Jeff smiled.  
  
"I.....it's...it's....he...." Michael stammered & pointed at the figure standing in the doorway, his eyes wide & his jaw dropping!  
  
"DWAYNE!!" I said just as gobsmacked as Michael!!  
  
"THE ROCK!" Michael finally blurted out as Dwayne stood there grinning at us both!  
  
Jeff just sat back in his chair, smugly surveying his handy- work!! 


	20. Chapter 20

Chapter 20  
  
Michael eventually overcame his shock & had a great time with Dwayne! Along with Matt & Jeff they played outside for hours like they were all 4 years old not just Michael!! The day passed quickly & before I knew it Michael was falling asleep on Dwayne's knee so Jeff took him upstairs to bed. It looked as though we would be spending another night at the Hardy's! Once we were left alone Dwayne came & at beside me. "Thankyou for today!" I smiled, "You made him feel like the luckiest little boy on the planet!" He laughed! "It still amazes me how I can do that y'know? Just turn up somewhere & make someone's day!" "Well you certainly did that today!" "Yeah, not a problem! He's a great kid!" I smiled & nodded, "Wow it's good to see you again Gemma!" He took hold of my hand. "You too Dwayne!" "You & Jeff huh?!" "Yeah it's pretty whacked!!" We both laughed. "How's Shane doing?" "Shane's good! He misses you though! He's had no one to teach, to mould into the next Shane o!" I laughed, "I'm sure there was a queue when I left!" Dwayne shook his head, "Naaah....he was only interested in you!" He smiled, "He was setting you up for the big time y'know? He always showed all of your work to Vince & told him how you were gonna go all the way! The best the business had seen in a long time!" "I miss him too kinda! I even miss his hissey fits sometimes!" "Are you still writing?" "HA! Well if you can call it writing! I freelance but most of my stuff is picked up by a magazine in Australia...nothing exciting but it keeps my brain in working order when Mike's gone to bed! Pays the bills too!" "Shane would have you back in a heartbeat!" I shook my head, "Nope! I think I burned my bridges there a long time ago! It's ok though...I mean I'm doin' ok!" He nodded, "Adam's married now you'll have heard?" "Yeah I heard that!" I smiled, "How is the goofball these days?!" Dwayne laughed, "He's good! He ah....doen't know you're back, doesn't know about the little guy!" "That's good! Well I guess he will find out sooner or later through the grapevine!" I sighed, "Who else knows besides you?" "Vince." "Jesus! What did he tell Vince for?!" "To get some time off!" "Jeff has time off?" Dwayne nodded. "Oh right. Well I guess Vince is professional enough not to announce it on next week's smackdown!!!" I hung my head, "I have so much shit to figure out right now!" "Are you & Jeff erm..." "No...well..yeah..kinda...I guess!" "Oh..." He smiled, "It's like that huh?" "It's like that!" "You'll figure it out! I'm sure you will!" I nodded. The mood was rapidly going down hill so I decided to change the subject. "Anyway enough about all this crap! I wanna hear all the gossip about the rest of the guys....and you too for that matter...Mr 'Hot Shot movie star'!!" I playfully prodded him in the ribs! "Have you seen the movie?" "Yeah...it sucks!" His eyes widened! "I'm kidding you dork! I haven't even seen it yet!!" He laughed & pushed me off the couch! We talked for what seemed like an hour whenit was actually closer to two! All that time I didn't realise that someone was listening in to every word! It was great to catch up with all the gossip about my old friends & I was surprised at how many of them were now married with kids, including Dwayne! He showed me pictures of his beautiful wife & baby daughter & told me all about them! We just talked & talked! Eventually the subject turned to live shows & how much 'little Michael' would enjoy comming along to one sometime! "I know he'd be thrilled, it's me I'm concerned about!" "Aw Gem come on! Jeff has the week off & then you could come to Ohio with him, bring Mike along, it'd be great!" "Yeah I'm sure it would....but what about having to face everyone, having to face Adam! I don't think I could do it Dwayne, not right now!" "Gemma, look honey I don't mean to sound cruel but Adam's married now, he's happy! I'm sure it would be fine!" "Yeah if I turn up to a show 5 years after I all but jilted him at the altar & say'Hey Adam! Sorry I left! By the way this is Jeff's kid!' I'm sure it would be fine...he'd welcome me with open arms!!" "So, I'll talk to him before you come down...explain everything so it's not such a shock! That way at least he wont find out infront of the other guys & it'll give him time to ah....digest the situation before you turn up!" "Dwayne, look how about I call you in a few days? Let me think it over...I just don't know if now is the right time to be battling any more of my demons y'know?!" He held up his hands in defeat! "Ok ok! Jeff has my number, make sure you definately give me a call ok? Whether you decide to come or not!" "I promise!" Jeff walked downstairs & saw us hugging. "Oh well I guess I gotta make a move!" We stood up. "Thanks so much for today man! He was so hyped! He couldn't stop talking about you up there!" Jeff hugged Dwayne & patted him on the back. "Anytime Jeff!" "Bye Dwayne!" I said & Stood on my tip toes to kiss his cheek. "And thanks again!" He put his arms around me, towering above me! "Callme ok?!" I nodded & we walked to the door. As he got into his car he shouted "Don't be a stranger!" Jeff & I stood on the porch steps & waved as we watched Dwayne's car disappear up the raod. I turned to Jeff. "Thankyou for doing that! It was great to see Dwayne again!" He shrugged, "Not a problem! Hey maybe next week I could bring Adam home so you can catch up with him too!" He walked inside & I followed him. "That wasn't very funny Jeff!" I snapped. "I wasn't trying to make you laugh! God knows you must be all laughed out after tonight!" "What the hell is wrong with you!?" I couldn't believe he was being like this! "What the hell have I done wrong now?!" He turned to face me, "Y'know Gem...all that stuff you asked Dwayne about everyone at work, well I know those people too! You....you never asked me any of that stuff, biut suddenly you're laughing & joking about it with Dwayne! I just don't get it!" "What is your problem? I was catching up with an old friend that YOU happened to invite here!! Christ Jeff did you want me to ignore the guy!?" My voice was getting louder as I got angrier with him! "I invited him so that Michael could meet his hero not so you could be all ov.....oh look it doesn't matter!!" "No go on please finish your sentance!" Jeff looked down at the floor, "You think I was all over him?? What am I...a slut all of a sudden?!" "That's not what I meant!" "Then what DID you mean Jeff?!" I put my hand on my forehead, "Jeff I can't deal with this shit ok? I don't know what the hell I've done wrong but I do know that you're freaking me out!!" "Don't shout you'll wake Michael!" "EXCUSE ME!?" I shouted, now shaking from the anger I was trying to hold inside. "Oh I'm so sorry Jeff!" I laughed sarcastically, "I forgot! How stupid of me! I must look like the worst parent on the planet compared to you right now! I mean I dont leap off ladders & defeat the bad guys!!" "Now you're being ridiculous!" "AM I? AM I REALLY JEFF? Well I'm sure that's exactly how Michael sees me too! After all I can't bring the Rock home from work at weekends now can I?!" My eyes filled up with tears & he went to hug me but I took a step backwards. "Just don't Jeff ok?!" I turned & went outside & sat crying on the porch steps. 


	21. Chapter 21

Chapter 21  
  
I don't know how long I was out there & at the time I didn't really care! Jeff was confusing me to the point where I actually thought I was going crazy! One minute we were fine & happy & the next we were fighting, it was tearing me apart & I didn't know how much more of it I could take. My thoughts were interrupted by raised voices comming from inside the house. I couldn't hear what was being said but I could tell it was Matt & Jeff, with Matt doing most of the shouting! I stood up & went to the window where I could see Matt & Jeff face to face, Matt's arms flying around as he overly-expressed what he was feeling for Jeff at that moment!! As I stood there watching I realised this was all down to me! Those two had been so close & now I was somehow driving a wedge between them that I didn't understand, it wasn't right! If I'd just stayed away none of this would be happeneing! Why was it everytime I was in Cameron I left a trail of devastation on the road behind me? I'd pretty much made up my mind there & then that I wasn't staying, me & Cameron were a bad combination, a jinx...I had to get out of there! I started to hear the odd words that Matt was saying as his voice grew louder! ".....New York...." mumble mumble..".....using her.." more mumbles & Jeff telling him to fuck off! ".........Get you're stupid fucked up head straightened out before you do anything else!!" Matt had prodded Jeff's shoulder with every word of that last sentance & I quickly turned away, putting my back on the wall & closing my eyes! I was convinced that at any second I was going to hear them fighting, physically kicking the crap out of each other! After a few minutes it remained silent so I urged myself to peer in the window again. Jeff was sitting at the table, staring into space, his fingers drumming on his leg & his face expressionless. I decided to go inside & tell him I was outa there!! I took a deep breath & stepped into the kitchen. He glanced up but didn't say anything, he just turned his face away from me. "Jeff.." I said quietly, but he still didn't turn around, ".....I'm going home...next week..I....." He sprang up from his chair, stopping me from finishing my sentance. "No Gemma! You can't! I'm sorry for shouting at you! I didn't mean it!" "It's not just the shouting Jeff...we need some space & I just can't stand to be in Cameron any more! Michael needs his friends, he needs stability in his life...it...." "I can give him that! Stay here & I can give you both that!" He took hold of my shoulders & I winced, not from the pain, although it was still there, but because he'd scared me. My whole body had tensed up & he realised. "What?" he looked at me curiously & I just shook my head. "Nothing." "You thought..." he sighed, "..Jesus...I'm not going to hurt you Gemma!" "I......I know I just...I..." I swallowed hard trying to think of a lie to tell him! When he'd grabbed me there, for a moment I thought he was going to hurt me again. It was only a fraction of a second, but it was enough. "Come here!" he pulled me close, my head was on his chest & his arms were around me. "I love you! I wouldn't hurt you!" "I know!" I whispered as the tears came again. "We're gonna be ok Gemma! You don't need to go home...I'm gonna look after you & Mike! I love you so much!" A tear slipped down his cheek & he looked into my eyes, "I'm sorry! Don't go Gemma! It'll kill me if you leave again!" I looked at his face, his deep hazel eyes, his chiselled jaw line, the lips I'd always dreamed of kissing. He was sincere & I knew he wouldn't hurt me, that he wanted to look after us. I loved him with all my heart & soul, he was the guy I'd dreamed about as a little girl, the prince on the white horse that every girl longs to have. I smiled at him through my tears. "What?" he whispered. "Nothin'. Just picturing you on a white horse!" I smiled & kissed his lips. He wiped his face & then wiped mine. "And I'm picturing you in a white dress!" I gasped & we both just looked at each other for a few seconds, I was stunned! "No Jeff!" "But I haven't even asked you yet!" "Then don't ask me please!" "Wh y not?" "Because..." "Why?" He said passionately kissing me until I was breathless. "B........because.." I Whispered, ".....I won't be able to say no!!" We kissed again. "Then say yes!" he said, rubbing his hands up & down my back. "Don't ask me Jeff! Please! Not now...it's too soon!" I pleaded with him. He put his head down. "But..." "NO! Please! I've done some stupid fucked up things in my life Jeff, if I was to marry you I don't want it to be just another one to add to the list....do you understand what I'm saying?!" He nodded his head. "So, I'll save it for later then huh?" "Yeah, later!" I hugged him & heaved a sigh of relief! I knew in my heart if he'd asked me I'd have said yes, it's all I've ever wanted, but it would have just topped the list of stupid fucked up things I'd done in my life!! It was the only sensible thing I'd done as far as Jeff was concerned, & the first time I'd managed to win him over once he had his mind set on something! He dragged me upstairs & we got into the shower together. As I looked at him, carressed his perfect body under the hot water I remember thinking 'SENSIBLE SUCKS.......BIG TIME!!' ******* Later as I lay in his arms in his bed I plucked up the courage to ask him about the fight I'd overheard between him & Matt earlier. "Why were you & Matt fighting?" "Huh? Fighting? When?" "In the kitchen earlier when I was outside, I could hear you." "What did you hear?" "Nothin' just raised voices!" He went quiet so I pushed it further, "So what was it all about?" "Oh nothin really, just work...stuff....y'know?" "Oh." "It was nothin' for you to worry about believe me!" "But I do worry Jeff! I hate to see you guys fighting!" "It's ok I'll sort it out with him tomorrow I promise!" "Don't fight with him anymore Jeff please! I'm sure whatever it is you two can work it out without it comming to fighting!" "Yeah I know! I'll sort it out!" The subject was dropped but I couldn't help feeling uneasy about it & that somehow I was to blame for the tension between them. Matt had always been over-protective of me but I couldn't for the life of me figure out what it was he was trying to protect me from!! 


	22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22  
  
The next couple of days were quite uneventful compared to the previous two! Things seemed to be on an even keel between Jeff & I, for now anyway! The situation between Jeff & Matt, however, hadn't improved! Matt speant a lot of time working on his house, alone & Jeff just didn't even mention his name! One day when Jeff & Gilbert had taken Michael into town I decided to go & see Matt while the coast was clear to try & see if I could get to the bottom of this mess! He was working at the house as usual so I thought I'd take him some lunch as an excuse to try & talk to him. "Hey what brings you here?!" He said, surprised to see me. "Oh well someone has to look after you while Amy's away!" I said handing him his lunch. "Oh thanks Gem! You're an angel!" He said, kissing my forehead, "And here was me thinking you'd come to help me plaster those walls!" He laughed & we sat down on the grass. "Well I'd help you know I would, but you don't want the place to fall down around your ears do ya?!" I laughed. "So when's amy due back from work?" "Tomorrow." He said, with a mouthful of food. "I was hoping to get the plastering done before she came home, but it's not looking hopeful!" "Not on your own anyway huh?!" He nodded, "Yeah I guess." "Listen Matt, is it me? Have I done something to upset you?" "What? No! Don't be crazy Gemma!!" "Well then what is it? What's goin' on with you & Jeff?" "I honestly don't know...he's changed that's all! I can't seem to reason with him or talk to him...I don't like fighting with him any more that you like to see us fight! He's my brother & I love him, but I just don't like him very much sometimes." He carried on eating. "What happened in New York?" I said, remembering what I'd over heard in the kitchen when they were arguing. He stopped with a sandwich half-way to his mouth. "What d'ya mean?" "Exactly that! What happened when you guys were in New York?" He looked away. "Nothin happened! We worked, went to bed, worked again & came home...that was about it!" "Maybe you did!" I said quietly. I had a knot in my stomach the size of a baseball, it was that feeling you get when you really don't want to hear something, but at the same time you HAVE to know! I considdered dropping the subject for my own sake but my mouth seemed to refuse to shut the hell up! "I want to know Matt! What happened? Did you guys fight? What was it?" "What's this obsession with New York all of a sudden?" "I know something went on there & it's something I have a feeling I need to know about!" Matt put down the box that his lunch was in & sighed. "Don't make me do this Gem!" "Do what?! Matt come on!!" I was now starting to panick! He shook his head & rubbed his face, looking up at the sky. "Look Gemma it was nothing ok? Just forget about it! I really don't want to talk about it!" "So it was something then?" I hung my head & said exactly what was on my mind. "He slept with someone didn't he?" Matt stood up. "I have to get back to work or this will never be finished." He started to walk away. "TELL ME MATT! DON'T WALK AWAY!" I shouted & folowed him. I turned him around to face me, the tears welling up in my eyes. "Tell me please!" I whispered trying not to cry. He didn't say a word, he just hung his head & nodded. My stomach churned as if I was going to be sick! I bit on my l ip determined not to cry. "Who? I mean someone from work or what?" "No." I nodded. I knew that meant it had to be a fan, well a groupie to be precise. Some girl he'd never see again & probably wouldn't recognise if he did! Some girl that was now bragging to all her friends about how she bagged Jeff Hardy the wrestler in his hotel room! Some silly little girl who was sitting at home thinking it had actually meant something!! Some girl who had no idea what she'd just done to me! "Ok!" I said & walked away. "Gemma wait!" Matt came after me. "Please listen to me before you do anything...just hear me out ok?!" "Sure." He put his hands on my shoulders. "I'm not making excuses for him ok? What he did was....well it was wrong, but you guys weren't together then, just think about it!" "So that's ok then Matt huh?!" "No it isn't ok!" He put a hand to his forehead, "Look I tried to explain to you what he was like when you left yeah? I.........I think you comming back, everything that happened in such a short time, it just made him freak out again a little that's all! I'm not saying it's right.......why do you think we've been arguing all this time? I don't agree with what he did! I don't fully understand why he did it but I know in his mind at the time it seemed to be the thing to do!" He was frantically trying to stick up for his younger brother without offending me, any other time it would have been funny! Matt was a great guy, he didn't want anyone to get hurt! He looked me straight in the eyes, "Gemma he'll never forgive me if you walk away again! Never!" He looked desperate. "I'm not going anywhere." "What?" "Like you said, it happened before we were together so I guess it's none of my damn business is it?" I snapped. "Don't be like this Gem! I know he loves you! You & Michael are the world to him now, you two are his everything!" "Yeah when it suits him Matt!" I said, still trying to force my tears back. "One minute he loves me & the next...I don't know where the fuck I stand with him!" I bit my lip. "What's to say he won't do it again?" "I don't know the answer to that. I don't think he will, not now! He wouldn't risk losing you!" "Oh really?" "He's alot of things Gemma but he's not stupid." "No he's not stupid, I'm the fucking stupid one!! Stupid for ever comming back to this shit hole town! Stupid for ever thinking we could work it out! Stupid for ever falling in love with the bastard in the first place!!" I shouted & I couldn't hold my tears back any longer. "Well I won't argue with you on that last part!" Matt said as he held me & I sobbed into his chest. "What am I gonna do? I thought everything would get better once he knew the truth about Mike, but it just seems to be getting worse & worse!" "Hey! Hey come on! it's not all bad is it?" He stroked my hair as he held me tightly, "Look what you guys have....you have Michael together! He's a beautiful little boy.........see Jeff did do something right! Personally I didn't think he had it in him, but I guess seeing is believeing!!" He smiled & I had to smile with him. "We'll work it out.." he said as he rocked me gently, "...Just like we always do!" "I love him so much Matt! I want this to work more than I've ever wanted anything in my life, but how can I trust him now? How can I sit home & let him go away to work every damn week if I think he's screwing around? It'll destroy us!" "Come to Ohio!" Matt said out of the blue. "What?" "Come to Ohio! Be a family Gemma! You, Jeff & Michael!" "I can't Matt! Adam....." "FUCK ADAM! Fuck the lot of them!!! Come with us & show them all that you don't give a shit! All you need to worry about now is the three of you, no one else should matter!" He held me at arms length so we were face to face,"I want this to work for you two! I don't want you to go away any more than Jeff does! I love you & I have a nephew that I'm head over heels for! I want this to wrok more than you can imagine, so does Dad & so does everyone in your family! We are all here for you guys whatever it takes ok?" I looked into his eyes, "I'm so scared Matt!" "Don't be scared, be proud, be strong, but don't be scared! It'll be fine! You come with us & it will be a chance for Jeff to show his son what he does! He'll be stoked! Come with us yeah?" I thought about it for a few seconds & then nodded. "Ok...yeah, we'll come to Ohio!" Matt wiped the tears from my face & smiled! "We'll do it toghether ok?" I nodded. "I'm gonna sort all this shit out with Jeff, clear the air." "Yeah I hope so Matt!" I let out a laugh. "What's so funny?" "I'm just thinking, if any woman comes near him when we're in Ohio I might just have to show her exactly who I grew up with!" We laughed. "Yep, a Hardy in all but the name huh?!" Matt's expression changed suddenly. "Just rmemeber....well there will be fans there y'know....I mean all innocent n' everything!" "Relax Hardy! I'm not gonna do a Lara Croft on a bunch of teenagers wanting autographs!!" "Yeah well you'd better not or you'll have me to deal with young lady!" He playfully nudged me & I smiled. "Amy's lucky to have you! I think I fell in love with the wrong brother! I should've listened to all the other girls at school, it would've been easier!" "Yeah except for one thing?" "What's that?" "I smell worse than Jeff!!" With that Matt pushed me over & tried to rub his sweaty arm pit in my face as I screamed for mercy!! 


	23. Chapter 23

Chapter 23  
  
Jeff seemed to love the idea of me & Michael going to Ohio with them! I still wasn't so sure but like Matt had already said, screw the lot of them!! Plus I was secretly relieved that I could keep an eye on Jeff, if I'd stayed home I would've driven myself crazy wondering if he was with someone!! He never knew Matt told me about New York, once I'd had the time to think it over it seemed pointless having another argument with him about something that was done & couldn't be changed. I'd also felt really bad for putting Matt on the spot, making him chose between me & his brother, I hadn't been very fair! So, the subject was dropped. Dad had his reservations about us going! He was worried about me having to face Adam & he knew how hard it was going to be, but my mind was made up! I was going & that was that! Just incase I bottled out & changed my mind at the last minute I told Michael! I knew I couldn't let him down no matter what the consequences would be! The day before we were due to leave Dwayne called to say he'd spoken to Adam. Apparently dwayne couldn't really tell how he'd taken it, he'd just gone really quiet & left the room. To me that didn't sound too good, but Dwayne assured me that later that night he'd seen Adam laughing & joking around with some of the other guys like nothing had happened. I wasn't so sure that everything would be fine, when all said & done I'd gotten pregnant before I left him, even if it was only a few hours!! If it had been the other way around & he had left me like that the day before our wedding I don't think I could ever forgive him. I had to prepare myself for the worst as far as Adam was concerned. Amy was psyched that we were going to Raw! She'd been telling me about all the other girls & how she was dying to introduce me to them all! I was so nervous I could hardly sleep! Not only would I be seeing a lot of old familiar faces but I was about to be introduced to what sounded like most of the company!! It was all very daunting on top of the thought of having to face my ex-fiance!! For hours I lay awake just trying to think things over in my mind, what I was going to say to people, how I was going to answer the questions that were boound to be asked when I suddenly turned up out of the blue after almost 5 years! My head was buzzing! I turned over in my bed & looked at Jeff sound asleep. This was it, make or break time for us! The trip would either prove we could hack it or tear us apart, my stomach sank at the thought but hey at least we'd know!! In the back of my mind I was still clinging to the idea of going back to Australia, but I knew if I wanted us to work it out, to be a family, then I could never go back! It was a scarey thought but one I had to come to terms with, after all there was no way Jeff could travel from Australia twice a week to go to work & the other alternitive wasn't even a possibility!! His carreer with the WWF had been his dream ever since he was a child & even if he offered to give it all up for me & michael there's no way I'd let him do it. Was staying in Cameron such a bad thing for me? It's not like I had any kind of life in Oz that I would be giving up - no social life, no friends, no job that I needed to run back to! The wonders of modern technology would still allow me to write for the magazine if I chose to do so from wherever I was in the world! So what sacrifices would I be making by moving back to Cameron? The only answer I could come up with was none! I don't think I got much more that two hours sleep that night. Before I knew it we were all in the car & I was headed towards my final demons! ******* We arrived at the hotel an hour before Amy & the guys were due at the arena. When we piled out of the car there was a few fans hanging around for autographs & pictures, it was all so alien to me & felt very strange! By the time we checked in there was 30 minutes to spare & the time was creeping up on me way too quickly! I had no time to worry about anything it was all so hectic! When we got to the arena it was the same scene only ten fold!! Fans were erverywhere, girls shouting for autographs & camera flash bulbs going off all around us! Michael clug to me, scared stiff & I was getting worried about how he was going to handle the show! He was jumping at flash bulbs so I figured he would probably pee his pants at the pyro effects during Raw!! We got to their dressing room & I heaved a sigh of relief at the welcome silence in there compared to outside! "You ok?" Jeff said, touching my arm. "Yeah, just a little overwhelmed I guess! I'll be ok!" He smiled & gave me a quick kiss on the lips. "So what do you think Mike? Wanna go take a look see who we can bump into in the hall?" "YAY!" Mike cheered. "Wait for us!" Matt said & he & Amy made for the door. I got to the doorway I stopped. "What's up?" Matt asked. "I don't think I can do this!" I looked out of the door to see Amy & Jeff dissaperaring along the corridor with Michael. "Come on Gem it'll be fine! I'll be with you!" "No I'm serious Matt! I think I'm gonna spew! Just go, take Mike & I'll wait here ok? I'll see you in a little while!" "Ok if you're sure!" I just nodded, "We won't be long ok?!" I closed the door behind him & heaved a sigh of relief! I was safe, for now anyway! ******* After about ten minutes nof sitting there on my own there was a knock on the door & my heart leapt into my throat! I heard whispering & quiet giggles comming from outside so nervously I went & slowly opened the door. Standing before me were two girls, not much younger than me but made up like hookers!! At first I thought they must be part of the show. "Can I help?" I asked & they started at me. "We're erm...looking for Jeff Hardy!" Said one of the girls trying to peer around the door & look into the room. "I'm sorry he's not here right now!" "This is his dressing room though right?" said the other girl. "Yes it is, can I help in any way?" "I doubt it!" they both laughed & it made me nervous! "Can you give Jeff a message from me?" "Yes of course." "Tell him Shelly was here, he'll remember me from er....last time he was in town!" They both giggled. "We'll be aroound later so we'll come back & see if he's here!" I nodded, dumbfounded as they walked off down the corridor arm in arm. I closed the door & leaned my back against it, my eyes filling up with tears. I told myself to get a grip! Stuff like this must happen all the time, part of the job!! I had to stop getting so emotional about everything! There was a knock on the door again & I jumped. "Jeff isnt here!!" I shouted, not feeling like facing any more half naked women! "Gemma?" Said a deep male voice. "Y......yes...who is it?" "It's Dwayne!" I let out a breath, I'd been almost terrified when I'd heard that voice! The first thing that had come into my head was that it was Adam!! I opened the door. "Dwayne!!" I said almost throwing myself into his arms! "What's wrong sweetheart?!" "Nothing, nothing, I'm just so glad to see you!" He smiled, "I'm glad to see you too honey! Come on let's sit down & talk!" I let him in & we sat down on one of the benches. "Are you gonna hide out in here all night?!" "If I can!" I smiled & he raised his famous eyebrow! "Well ok maybe not ALL night! I bottled it Dwayne! I don't know what came over me but I couldn't go out there!" "Mike is down in the ring with Paul.....do you really wanna miss that?!" "Matt has the video camera, I can see it later!" "Your four year old son is pinning the Big Show & you don't wanna be there?!" "Dwayne don't please! I feel guilty enough!" He stood up & walked over to the door. "OUT!" He said opening it & pointing into the corridor! "DWAYNE!" "Out! NOW!" "NO!" He laughed sarcastically. "I wasn't asking you for an answer!" "Don't you pull this 'People's Champ' crap on me cause it won't wash ok?! I can't go out there!" "Yes you can!" "Is Adam there?" "He's not down at the ring but he's around somewhere.....so?" "Dwayne I don't want to!!" I whined. "Get your ass out of this room & go & see your little boy playing with the big guys! What's more important to you!?" "What are you trying to say!?" "You want Mike to remember all this & remember you weren't there watching?!" I bit on my lip & I knew he'd done it! I went out into the corridor & down to the ring with Dwayne. 


	24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24  
  
Thankfully when we got to the ring Adam was nowhere to be seen! I crept up & stood beside Jeff trying not to be noticed by anyone who was hanging around! Jeff smiled & put his arm around me, giving me a reassuring squeeze! Michael was almost collapsed from giggling as Paul pretended to fall over & Amy lifted Mike on top of him & counted to three! I had to laugh! Amy raised Mike's little arm & proclaimed him the new heavyweight champion as he jumped up & down on Paul's back!! "That's it!" Paul said getting up & crawling to the ropes, "I'm out! I can't fight this new guy anymore he's too good!" We all laughed as Michael cheered & jumped around the ring! "Maybe The Rock can beat this little monkey breath!" Dwayne said, climbing into the ring & the fun & games started al over again! I stood watching on the sidelines with Jeff, while Matt video taped it all. The guys were fantastic with Michael & he was truely having the time of his life! "Man I'm beat!" Paul aid as he came over to me & Jeff smiling! "That kid of yours wore me out!" he pointed at Jeff & we laughed. "Paul you remember Gemma?" "Sure I do! Hey Gem!" Paul hugged me, "Good to see you again! Where you been all this time?!" "Good to see you too Paul! I've been living in Australia, working n stuff y'know?" "Cool!" "And thankyou for that!" I said, gesturing towards the ring, "I know you guys have a lot to get through on a show day!" "I had as much fun as he did believe me!" he winked! "I'll catch you guys later then!" "Yeah see ya!" Jeff & I watched as Paul left & Jeff put his arm around me again. It felt good, like he was maybe showing me off to the other guys & no matter what women say, we like it!! We like to be seen on the arm of a gorgeous guy & have everyone look at us! It's only natural! He bent down & kissed my cheek. "What was that for?" He shrugged & smiled then turned his attention back to Michael who was now attempting the 'People's Elbow' on Dwayne! "Look at him Gem!" He said smiling, "He's amazing!" "I know that!" "Yeah but......we made him....he's ours...it's like wow!" We both laughed. "I guess it is when you put it like that!" "Shall we make some more?!" he said grinning a stupid grin at me! "Shall we walk before we run Hardy!!" I said digging him in the ribs! "Gemma?" I turned around quickly, startled by the voice from behiund me. "Shane??!" We looked at each other for a few seconds, I didn't know what to say! "Well aren't you gonna give your ex-boss a hug then?!" He held out his arms & I went & hugged him. "How have you been? Man it's been so long!!" "Oh erm fine.....you haven't changed at all McMahon!! " I said looking him up & down & we laughed & hugged again! "We have to catch up I can't believe you're here!!" "That makes two of us!!" "So who's Dwayne's new best friend? He belong to you?" I left Jeff who was busy cheering Michael on & we walked to the seats. "Yeah he's mine....and erm...Jeff's!" Shane's mouth dropped open! "JEFF?! Are you kidding me?" "Nope!" I smiled. "Wow that's erm....wow!" I laughed, "Yeah it's a lot wow!!" Shane shook his head still obviously stunned!! "So how about you? What's been goin' on in your life?" "Nothin' compared to yours by the sounds of things!!" he winked & I rolled my eyes. "Well I got married!" "Yeah, Dwayne told me! Congratulations!! Who did you find to put up with you!?" I smiled & He playfully smacked my leg! "Any kids?" "Nah not yet, but there will be! I have to carry on the great McMahon dynasty ya know!!" He laughed. "Yeah how is the old guy these days? Still smoking $100 bills?!!!" "He's ok!" Shane said laughing, "....And I've never seen him smoke $100 bills! God he'd have a heart attack wasting money like that!!" We both giggled! "Mr McMahon?" I looked up to see a young girl with a camera around her neck & smiled! It was me five years ago....except I think I was a bit more cocky!! "Christy..." Shane sighed, "What can I do for you this time?" "Well....er...I'm not quite sure where I'm s.....supposed to be right now sir. I had to photograph Triple H b......but I can't seem to find him!" "Think yourself lucky honey!" I said under my breath & Shane poked me in the ribs slyly, hoping Christy wouldn't see his 'human' side!! "I'm comming!" He sighed & rubbed his face. We stood up. "I'll catch up with you tonight ok?" "Sure thing!" "Don't you dare leave this arena without saying goodbye!!" He hugged me. "YESSIR!" We laughed & I watched him throw a hissey fit at poor Christy with a smile on my face!! We eventually dragged Michael out of the ring so some of the guys could actually get some work done! As we were walking along the coridor back to the dressing room I bumped into Donna, a girl from wardrobe that I knew, so I stopped to talk to her while the others went on ahead. There was so many people that I'd completly forgotten about! From guys doing the lighting to wardrobe girls! I was enjoying catching up with everyone & had actually started to relax! "Donna can you sort out these...." I froze at the sound of the voice from behind me! I'd let my guard down, forgotten about him for a few seconds & he'd caught me from behind! My whole body tensed up & my mouth went dry! "Pants perhaps Adam?" Donna said, taking the pants from his hands. "Huh? Oh....er....yeah." "So what's the problem?" She asked him & still I didn't, couldn't, turn around & look at him. I stared at a grey wall, unable to move! "Hole!" He blurted out. "There's a hole in them!" "Ooooookay!" Donna said & turned to go back to wardrobe. I didn't know if Adam was still there behind me or not & I didn't dare look! Eventually he spoke. "Hey." "Hi." I said quietly & slowly pivoted on my heels so I was face to face with my ex-fiance! My heart pounded so loudly I could barely hear myself think! He scratched his head. "Ah....Dwayne said you were erm comming down tonight." "Yeah" I nodded & wished the floor would just openup & swallow me whole! "So...." He paused & swallowed hard. "How have you been?" "Ok I guess....you?" "Fine fine!" We stood in awkward silence, both of us looking anywhere but at each other! "Mummy! Mummy!" Mike came bounding around the corner and ran towards me! " I just saw Kurt Angle! He let me wear his gold medals!!" Adam took ina deep breath, deep enough for me to hear him doing so! "Oh wow! That's so cool!" I said forcing a smile. Adam stared at Michael & bit on his lip & Michael eyed him curiously. "Are you Edge & Christian?" He asked innocently. Adam seemed to snap out of his daze & knelt down infront of Michael. "Hey there! Well I'm Edge if that's any help!" "Wow!" Mike said, "My daddy is Jeff Hardy & he has to fight you all the time!" "Mike we should go!" "No it's ok really....he's fine!" Adam said looking up at me. "Well me & your erm...daddy, we're friends really did you know that?" Mike shook his head, "Sure we are! When we fight in the ring it's like we're just pretending, fun fighting y'know? But when we're back here we're buddies!" "Oh." "So what'say me & you be buddies too huh?" He put an arm around Michael, it was a sight I never thought I'd see & it brought a tear to my eye. "Yay!" Mike said & then paused as if he was thinking it over. "But only if my daddy says it's ok!" "Well why don't you go ask your daddy & get back to me?" Adam smiled. "Can I mummy?" "Sure! Come on! We'll go ask Jeff!" I turned to leave & Adam put his hand on my shoulder. "It's erm....good to see you again Gemma!" I nodded & forced a smile. "Really I mean it!" "Yeah, good to see you too Adam!" I said & turned to go back to the locker room fighting back my tears! 


	25. Chapter 25

Chapter 25  
  
When we walked into the dressing room I was still shaking! Amy came straight to me while Michael ran off to find Jeff in the bathroom. "Gemma? What's wrong?" "Adam.....I just saw Adam!" "Oh Christ! Come on sit down!" Amy led me over to the bench & we sat down. "How did it go?" "Well.....ok I guess....he seemed ok! It's just.....I dunno shock I guess!" I sighed, "Amy I was terrified!" She put her arm around me. "It'll be ok!" Jeff burst out of the bathroom with no top on. "Are you ok? Mike said you saw.." ""Yeah I'm fine! It's cool!" He knelt down infront of me & held my hands. "You're shaking!" Amy stood up & went to join Matt & michael in the bathroom. "I'm fine Jeff! Just...well it was always gonna be hard I knew that! It's just...I feel so.......I feel like shit!" "Hey come on!" He put his arm around me, "It's all in the past! I'm sure it'll be fine!" He held me tightly & I choked back my tears. If one more person told me it was going to be fine I'd swing for them! But I just forced a smile! "Yeah I'm sure you're right!" There was laughter from the bathroom. "What's goin' on in there!!?" "Oh I was just introducing Mike to the delights of Manic Panick!" "You had better be kidding me Hardy!" "Aw c'mon Gem...green is his colour!!" "JEFF!" "Ok ok so Matt's teaching him to pee standing up or something!!" I raised my eyebrows! "He's showing him how to shave! Relax that's what uncle's are for!!" Mike bounded out of the bathroom covered in shaving foam, the can still in his hand. "Mike..........what have you done?!" I said, getting up & going to the bathroom door. "Oh My GOD! MICHAEL!!" I burst out laughing at the sight of Matt & Amy covered in shaving foam from head to toe!! "Guess another shower's called for!" Said Matt, wiping foam from the top of his head!! We all burst out laughing! ******* A while later Michael & I said goodbye to the other guys & made our way to the arena to find our seats. Secretly I was hyped to be seeing a show again after all this time & the adrenaline pumped through my veins! How I wished I was down there in amongst the action with my camera in my hand!! Michael was hyped all the way through the show, even though the fireworks made him bury his head in my chest, he was still having a great time! Truth be known I think I shouted more than he did!! Eventually The Hardy Boyz music boomed out & Michael stood on his seat to get a better view while I held onto his legs to stop him falling off!! I watched them go through their whole entrance routine & felt so proud of both of them! They really had come a long way since the days of the cam corder in the back yard!!...And then the ladders appeared!! They were facing Edge & Christian so I should've known it would happen but still my stomach was in knots as I watched them leaping around! Michael on the other hand was loving every minute of it! I watched, holding my breath, as Jeff climbed to the top of a huge ladder, wobbling as he stood upright! He spread out his arms to his sides & I muttered... "You have got to be fucking kidding me!!"....but no he wasnt joking!! He did his now famous 'Swanton Bomb' off the top of the ladder but I didnt see much of it!! Next time I opened my eyes he was lying beside the ring on top of Jay, motionless! Was it part of the show or was he really out cold? I couldn't tell & my heart almost jumped out of my mouth! 'please God let him be ok' I thought to myself. I saw Amy run down the ramp & help Jeff to his feet while he clutched at his ribs, he looked as if he was in total agony & I didn't like it! In the meantime Adam pinned Matt in the ring & Edge & Christian had won the match, but I didn't see any of it! My attention was focused on Jeff as Amy virtually carried him up the ramp to the backstage area. "Mike come on!" I grabbed Michael's hand & pushed through the crowd of people all leaning over the security wall. "Mummy! I want to watch The Rock next!" He whined. "You can see it from back there sweetheart! Please honey come on!" Reluctantly he let me drag him to the back! We rounded a corner & saw Jeff sitting on the stairs, the doctor looking into his eyes with a small torch! "Jeff! Jesus are you ok?!" "Yeah I'm fine! Just a bit bruised!" "Christ you had me scared to death!" He smiled but still clung to his ribs. "Nah! Takes more than that to put out Jeff Hardy! Aint that right Mike!?" "Awesome!" Mike said grinning at him!! "Jeff can you come in & see the doctor now please?" A man said from a doorway nearby. "I thought you just saw the doctor!? What's wrong?" I said, panicking. "Nothing! I just have to get my ribs checked out! Don't worry!" He kissed me, "I won't be long!" I watched him hobble into the room. "Hey do you mind if we take Mike to watch Dwayne's match?" Amy asked. "Oh this is Lisa by the way!" "Hi!" I said shaking the hand of the woman I knew as Ivory, "Nice to meet you!" Lisa smiled, "You too!" "Yeah, will you be very far?" I asked turning back to Amy, "Just he's getting kinda tired....." "Don't worry! Aunt Amy's gonna take good care of him!" She smiled ruffling his hair, and the three of them made their way to watch Dwayne. "He's got more energy than I'll ever have!" "Adam! Hi!" "Hope you don't mind....Doofus here wanted to say hello!" Jay stepped from behind him! "JAY!" I hugged him & smiled. "Hey Gem!" he said over my shoulder, "What did you think of the match?!" "Very impressive! You guys have come a long way!!....But next time have a shower before you come anywhere near me!!!" I laughed. "Yeah! Sorry!" Jay laughed & let me go, "Listen I'll catch you later! Take care!" He said as he walked away leaving me alone with Adam. "You.......er.......wanna get a coffee?" "Sure...I'd like that!" I said & followed Adam to the restaurant. 


	26. Chapter 26

Chapter 26  
  
All the way to the restaurant in the arena we didn't speak. I was all churned up inside, not knowing what to say or what to expect from Adam! We got a coffee & sat down, the place was almost empty. "So, where have you been all this time?!" Adam asked. "Australia." He nodded & took a sip of his coffee. "What made you come back? Like why now?" "Dad was sick, heart attack." "Shit! I didn't know! Is he ok?" "Yeah yeah he's fine now, just needs to take it easy for a little while that's all." "Glad to hear it." I nervouosly fiddled with the chain around my neck & really wished I'd made an excuse not to go for coffee with him! "So, you're married now huh?" "Yeah.." he smiled, "Found someone that would have me!" "Adam I...." "It's ok, sorry! I didn't mean to sound so bitter!" "You have every right to be." "No I don't , not now anyway." He forced a smile. "Wanna talk about it or do we just forget it ever happened?" "Do you want me to explain...why I did what I did?" He nodded. "I thought I didn't but now that I have you here, face to face I think I'd like to know!" I took a deep breath, "OK!" I looked down at my coffee trying to figure out where to start! "Did......" He sighed, "Did you not love me Gemma...is that the reason.." "That wasn't it at all! Yes I loved you Adam, honestly....just not the same way you loved me! I thought I did......I wouldn't have let it go so far if I thought it wouldn't work out!" "And then there was Jeff right?!" He sat back in his chair & as I looked at him I truely couldn't believe I was there, having this conversation, face to face with Adam! I looked away. "It's ok...I had a feeling he was in love with you, even from day one! I just never realised you felt the same way about him!" "Neither did I until it was too late! I'm so sorry Adam!" "There it is!" He laughed sarcasticly. "What?" "I'm sorry...I'm sorry! You cut me in half Gemma! Do you realise what you did to me!?" I looked down again, not knowing what to say! "I don't mean to get angry with you! The one thing I promised myself when I knew you were comming back was that I wouldnt get angry....but I just can't help it!" "It's ok Adam! I shouldn't have come here...it was a mistake!" I stood up & walked away. "You owe me five minutes at least Gemma!" I froze. I didn't want to give him five minutes, didn't even want to be there five seconds more! It was crushing me looking him in the eye after so long avoiding even saying his name out loud! I saw in his face what I'd done to him & I didn't like what I saw, what I looked like. But he was right, I owed him so much more than five minutes, that was the very least I could do! Reluctantly I went back to him & sat down again. He looked up at me. "I had so much to say to you, but I can't remember any of it!" He let out a laugh. "I loved you so much Gem! One minute you were there, we were happy & getting married & the next thing you were just gone! There was nothing! No explination, no clue as to where you were, just nothing!" "I know, I freaked! I just didn't wanna see anyone Adam, not just you!" "But I didn't know what I'd done Gemma! All this time & I didn't know! It's been driving me crazy!!" "All I can do is say Im sorry...and I mean it with all my heart!" "The night you left....." "Oh don't go there Adam!" "I need to know!" "Why drag it all up?" "I need you to tell me the truth, please!" I sighed. "Did you?" "Yes, yes.........I slept with Jeff and yes it was the only time & yes it was then that I got pregnant!" I put my head down & he nodded. "Did Jeff know about Michael?" "No, he's only known for about 2 weeks. No one knew, not even dad!" Adam raised his eyebrows, "I mean no one knew he was Jeff's, only Michael, before he died." "It must have been hard, all this time on your own?" "I had Rhett & his family, I managed." "God Gemma!" He laughed, "You have no idea!! I wish he'd been mine! That's a fucked up thing to say but when I saw him........I just wish......" My eyes widened. "You'll have yours sometime Adam!" I reached over the table & grabbed hold of his hand & his eyes filled with tears. "God Adam...I am so so sorry!" I whispered. He put his hand on top of mine & a tear trickled down his cheek. I stood up & went around the table to him, knelt on the floor & put my arms around his waist as he sat in the chair. Reluctantly he gave into my hug & I felt his arms aroound my back & his body shake from his sobs. I'd cried so much over these last five years that no tears came for Adam that day. I felt so bad for him but I couldn't cry. Eventually we broke the hug & he wiped the tears from his face. "I guess we should get back downstairs huh?" "Yeah, Michael will be wondering where Ive got to!" "Thankyou!" "What did I do?" "You came back! It's kinda like closure in a way!" He smiled, "Like now I know....it's a bit of a relief!" I smiled, "So, you're gonna be ok?" "I am now! Well, once Ive had a shower anyway!" He laughed. "Come on then we'll go & find that kid of yours!" We made our way back downstairs & said our goodbyes. I found Michael asleep on Amy's knee in the dressing room. "Hey! Thanks so much for watching him for me!" "Not a problem! He's worn out bless him!" "Where's Matt & Jeff?" "Matt's in the shower but I don't know where Jeff is! The doc said his ribs are just bruised by the way!" "Shit! I forgot all about it!" I slapped a hand to my forehead. "Yeah where did you get to anyway?" "Oh erm...I just went for a coffee in the cafe upsatirs. Listen I think I'm gonna go look for Jeff, we should be gettin' Mike back to the hotel." "Call him first!" "Yeah good.....oh crap! I have his cell phone!" "You dork!" "Yeah yeah I know!! Look I won't be long ok? Is Mike ok with you for now?" "Not a problem!" Amy smiled. I kissed her cheek then went off to search the arena for Jeff. 


	27. Chapter 27

Chapter 27  
  
I wandered around for a while & couldn't seem to find Jeff anywhere! I was actually starting to get worried incase his injuries had been worse than we first thought & he was lying in a corridor unconcious somewhere!! "You lost?" Said a voice from behind me. "Shane?!" I couldn't believe I was bumping into yet another ex...Shane Helms!! He was 'The Hurricane' now & he still had the green paint around his eyes & in his hair!! "GEMMA??! WOW!" he smiled "What the hell are you doing here?!!" He came & hugged me. "Oh well y'know....figured it was about time I came back to see you guys!!" He laughed. "I can't believe you're actually here!!"! He hugged me again. "Yeah I'm kinda starting to think that myself!! Listen I'm looking for Jeff you haven't seen him around have you?" "No," he shrugged, "But I'll help you look if ya like?" "Oh would you? Thanks so much Shane! I feel like I'm wandering around in circles here!" "Haha! Well in this arena it wouldn't surprisse me if you were doing exactly that!! Come on I'll see if I can remember where I'm going!" We walked along the corridor searching every room we came to. "You knock there & I'll try over here!" Shane said. I knocked on the door & waited.....nothing. I turned to leave but some invisable force pulled me back! "Anything?" Shane asked. "No.....but hang on a minute Shane!" I turned the handle & slowly opened the door.....and froze! I couldn't believe what I was seeing!! Shane looked in over the top of my head. I closed the door quickly & started to walk away. "Well you found him! GEMMA! WAIT UP!" Shane walked fast to catch up with me. "What's the.......oh wait a minute......you & Jeff??!!" "Yes Shane Me & JEff!" He looked down at the floor & shook his head. "Shit! I didn't know...I'm....." "We have a kid......a little boy who's asleep on Amy's knee in the locker room & needs to go to bed but his father........" I stopped & put a hand to my head, "Fuck it Shane! What am I going to do now??!" Tears stung my eyes but I refused to let them fall, not again. Shane put his arm around me & led me back to find Amy & Matt. I stormed into the dressing room & They looked up, surprised! "Come on we're going!" "What's wrong? What happened?" Matt asked. "I just wanna go!" Matt looked at Shane, "Where's Jeff?" Shane just stared down at the floor & said nothing. "Matt can you carry Mike to the car for me please?" "Sure.....Gemma what's goin' on? Did you find Jeff?" "Yes.." I sighed, "He's making his own way back to the hotel tonight!" I picked up my purse & coat & Matt gave me a sideways glance before lifting Michael off Amy's knee. "Thanks Shane....I'll erm catch up with you soon ok?" Shane nodded & kissed my cheek, then we left. ******* Matt put Michael into bed in my room & left Amy with me. "You wanna tell me what's going on?" She said & sat on the end of my bed. I sat down beside her & sighed. "Amy....he...." I paused & looked up at the celing, my eyes filling with tears again. "I saw him with a girl...." "Oh Christ!" Amy put her arm around me & I wiped a tear from my cheek. "She had come looking for him earlier but I just forgot all about it! Then I walked in there & he.....he was all over her Amy!!" "Were they erm....?" "No....well not when I saw them but God only knows what they were doing after I left!" "You mean you didn't say anything? He didn't see you?!!" I shook my head. "I was so shocked! I just froze...I didn't know what to do!" Amy squeezed me & rubbed my arm. "Is this what I deserve Amy?" "No it isn't & you stop thinking like that!" "He wants to hurt me...like I did to him & he's right! I shouldn't have anything easy, not after what I did!" "Gemma you did what you thought was best at the time! He has no right to treat you like this!" I started to sob & Amy held me tightly. "I'm going home!" I said through my tears, "I've had enough of this shit Amy! I can't take any more!" The door opened & Jeff walked in. Amy gave me one last hug & gave Jeff a hard stare as she walked past him & out of the door. "Hey! Where did you go?" I stood up & walked past him into the bathroom, not saying anything. I knew anything that came out of my mouth was gonna cause a huge fight & I was too tired, physically & emotionally to fight with him, although all I wanted to do was slap his face! He came to the doorway of the bathroom & leaned on one side. "I'm sorry Gemma!" "Save it!" "Gem...I saw Shane & he...." "I can't be fucked with this so do us both a favour & shut it Jeff!" I splashed water on my face & grabbed a towel. I tried to slam the door on him but he put his hand out to stop it. "I didn't do anything Gamma!" "I'm getting ready for bed, please shut the door!" He didn't move. I was starting to to get more & more angry & about ready to burst if he didn't get out of my face soon! "You've got a fucking nerve!!" "Excuse me?!" "I saw you....with Adam!" "What??!" "You were all over him infront of God knows who in the restaurant! I saw you Gemma so don't deny it!" "Is this what this is all about?!" I Asked, totally stunned! "You saw me with Adam so you screw some little slut as revenge! Have you any idea how pathetic that sounds!!" "I didn't screw her!" "No? Well only 'cause Shane came & told you I'd seen you! Besides you were doing a damn sight more with her than I was with Adam when I looked in that room!" "What do you expect?!" he spat at me! "WHAT!?" My voice was getting louder as I was starting to lose control of my temper & I was on the verge of tears again! "What are you trying to do to me here Jeff?!" He looked at me, his eyes full of anger, "You......you left me, took my son away from me, for four years!! Four fucking years Gemma!" He got right up in my face & I stepped back, "You have really got no idea what you did have you?! I loved you so much.....I would've died for you....but you left!!" "I'm going home!" "YEAH? Go on then! Run away again 'cause I'm not gonna stop you this time Gemma!! I've had enough of your bullshit to last a lifetime!" He stepped aside & I rushed out of the bathroom crying. "Take your baggage & fuck off out of my life!!" He shouted. "If you set out to hurt me, to get your revenge for what I did, then you'll be happy to know you have succeeded Jeff!" I picked up one of my bags that was still packed. I couldn't stay in the same room with him even if it did mean leaving Michael! I knew Jeff would look after him! As I opened the door Jeff shouted... "And I lied!!" I stopped but didn't turn around, "......I did fuck her!!" My heart sank. No matter what I'd done to him I knew I didn't deserve this! I calmly put down my bag, walked back towards Jeff & slapped his face. "I hope she was worth it!" I said quietly & left, with no clue as to where I was going!! 


	28. Chapter 28

Chapter 28  
  
I hurried downstairs to the hotel lobby, my face still wet with tears. I pleaded with the night duty desk clerk to give me another room, tried to tell him there had been a mistake with the booking but he couldn't help, all the rooms were full! I stood at the desk with my head in my hands not knowing what to do next! I had no idea where to go! I felt a hand on my shoulder. "Gemma?" I turned to see Adam, "What's wrong?" A look of concern spread across his face when he saw the state I was in! The tears started flowing again. "Adam....I...." "Hey come on!" He put his arm aroound my shoulder. "I have no where to go!" I sobbed & burried my head into his shoulder. "Come on." he said softly, "Come with me!" and I let him lead me up to his room. "I can't stay here!" I said when we got inside, "I have to go, but thankyou so much!" "Relax!" he said, smiling, "I'll sleep on the floor!" He guided me towards the bed & we sat down. I felt so awkward & so scared! I just did not want to be there! "Now, tell me what happened!" Reluctantly, at first, I told him about everything, but it seemed once I'd started to talk I just couldn't stop & everything came flooding out! All my thoughts, all my emotions, while Adam just sat there & listened, nodding his head occasionally, but never saying a word. Finally I stopped. "Is this what I deserve Adam?" He shook his head. "No it isn't, but you have to understand how much of a shock this must have been for Jeff!" "He talked to you about it?!" "No no he hasn't said a word about it to me, it's just I know how I would feel if you had come back & told me I had a son! It must be hard for him Gemma!" "Yeah I know!" I looked at the floor. "I've done it all wrong Adam! My whole life, everything I did has been a fuck up!" "Don't talk like that!" "But it's true! Only now I'm gonna screw Michael's life up too! All the mistakes I make are gonna have an effect on that little boy! I can't do it to him!" I started to cry again & Adam pulled me close to him. I closed my eyes & let his scent fill my nose, taking me back five years! He ran his hand through my hair as he stroked my hair & gently rocked me. It felt so good, so safe to be in his arms again, just like it always used to & just like it once had with Jeff too! I don't know how long we stayed like that but it was a long time, I guess neither of us really wanted to let go. Eventually my sobs subsided & I felt myself drifting off to sleep inhis arms. When I woke up it was early morning. Adam had done as he'd said & slept on the floor. I quietly made my way to the bathroom, had a wash & put on a change of clothes from the overnight bag I'd grabbed from my room before I'd left. When I went back into the bedroom Adam was awake & sitting up, stretching his back & naked from the waist up! Damn he looked good! Even better than I remembered & I quickly averted my eyes before any more insane thoughts crept into my head!! "Morning!" He yawned. "Hey! I'm sorry I made you sleep on the floor!" "Not a problem! I can sleep standing up if it's called for!" He smiled. "So, what's your plans?" I sat down on the edge of the bed, "I have no idea Adam! Not one clue!" I sighed, "I guess me & Jeff are history...again!" "I'm sorry!" "Don't be! If I'd listened to Matt in the first place.........ah well it's done now! Time to move on again!" I stood up & grabbed my bag, "Ever see that show about the dog?" "Huh?" "When I was a kid, there was a show about a dog that went around saving people's lives.....what was it called??!" Adam shook his head, puzzled. "Anyway that's how I feel, except I don't save lives, I wreck them!" "You didn't wreck mine!" "No?!" I said & raised my eyebrows. "Nahhhh....." he smiled, "Just made a few ripples in the water, but I managed not to drown in the tidal wave!!" I bent down & kissed his cheek. "Thankyou Adam! See you around maybe!" "Hope so!" Just as I got to the door he said, "GEM!" I turned around & looked down at him. "The Littlest Hobo!" He grinned. "What are you on Copeland!?" I laughed. "The show....the one about the dog!" I smiled. "Oh yeah!" And then I closed the door behind me! ******* When I got to the door of my room I could hear giggles. I took a deep breath & turned the key. Jeff & Mike were having a pillow fight & didn't see me for a minute as I stood watching from the doorway. When Michael noticed me he bounced off the bed & ran over to me hugging my legs! I held him & kissed the top of his head. "Where have you been mummy?" I looked up at Jeff & he mouthed the word 'WALK' at me! "Oh I just went for a nice long walk honey! Now, why don't you go & get washed & dressed 'cause we'll be leaving soon!" "Ok!" he said & ran off into the bathroom. Jeff & I stood face to face. "Where did you go?!" "Does it matter?" "Guess not!" I sighed. "I got another room! I didn't go far!" "What are we gonna do Gem?" I looked at him & he looked distraught, as if he hadn't slept much at all & my heart ached for him. "Nothing Jeff...we're gonna do nothing!" "What do you mean nothing?!" I stopped making the bed & turned to face him. "I mean we're gonna go back to Cameron & in a few days Michael & me are going home. Between now & then we don't kiss, we don't touch, we don't have sex....we do nothing!" He came over to me & touched my arm, "I can't do that & I don't want you to go home!" I moved away. "Thing is Jeff you don't have a choice! I'm sorry but that's the way it's gonna be!" "So that's it then.......it's over?" "I don't know Jeff! For now....yeah I guess it is." I said softly. He put his hands on his head, "Don't do this! I know I screwed up, I'm so so sorry!" "We both screwed up Jeff this is not your fault! We thought we could go head long into a relationship, but that's just not possible! There's too much bad feeling between us! If I stay we'll end up hating each other can't you see that?" He sat down onthe edge of the bed & put his head in his hands. A minute later I realised he was crying. All I wanted to do was hold him, smell him, feel his body next to mine......what I did instead was start packing. 


	29. Chapter 29

Chapter 29  
  
We got back to Cameron & 2 days later Michael & I were ready to leave for Australia. The plane didn't leave until 3pm so Jeff took Michael out for a few hours while I did the last minute packing! I was in my old room throwing things into yet another bag when there was a knock on my door. "Can I come in?" It was Matt. "Sure Matt! You can sit on this case while I try & do up the zipper!!" I laughed. He smiled & put his arms around my waist. I looked skywards, trying to stop the tears but it was no use. He pulled me close & I put my head on his chest. "Shhhhhh....come on!" "Oh Matt!" "I know! I know!" He held me until my tears stopped & then turned my face towards his & kissed my lightly on the lips. A shiver ran down my spine & I realised he'd never kissed me like that before, on the lips! I just looked at him. "He's an idiot that brother of mine!" he said softly & wiped my face. "No he's not! It's my fault, all of this! Please don't blame Jeff for anything!" He smiled. "Why do you always do it?" "Do what?" "Defend him like that! Ever since we were kids you've faught his battles for him!" He let out a little laugh! "Anyway don't worry about it we're not gonna be fighting again!" He winked at me, "Maybe you have been with the wrong brother all this time!!" Typical Matt! I playfully punched him in the ribs, but when I was alone with him like this I secretly felt the same, although it was more sisterly love I felt for Matt, nothing more. "So, where's this case you want my ass on?" I showed him & he sat on the suitcase while I fastened the zipper. "How come wherever you go you always seem to go back with twice as much junk in your tru..." "Don't go gemma!" Matt interrupted, "Stay here & work it out with Jeff! You two were meant to be together!" "But you were right! We went too fast! It's over, screwed!" "No don't say that! He loves you Gemma!" I sighed, "This is so hard for me to do....I love him so much, he's the only guy I've ever truely loved in my entire life! But I can't stay!" "I'm sorry! I didn't mean to make this harder for you! I'm gonna miss you so much....you have no idea!" "If it's half as much as I'll miss you then I'm a lucky girl!" I hugged him tightly. I wasn't lying, it was going to be tough. We both cried, but I wasn't staying for anything or anybody! Michael & I were on that plane if it was the last thing I ever did! ******* Jeff brought Mike home a couple of hours before we were due to leave & he ran off to spend his last precious moments in Cameron with Dad, Kellie & Gilbert. Jeff & I sat outside on the porch. "So, you're really going huh?" "Yeah." "God Gemma!" He took my hands, "I love you so much & I'm sorry I didn't make it work for us! But I can, if you stay I can put it all right I prom..." I put my finger to his lips, "No promises Jeff!" "Bu..." "Jeff I'm going home! It's a fact & it's happening & that's that! But look you have our address, our phone number, my cell number......you can see Mike anytime! I can bring him over, Dad can bring him over, hell you can come & stay! It won't be like last time!" He hung his head. "I don't know what to do! I want you to stay! I want to know how to put this right!" There was a tone of panick in his voice. I stood up. "Come with me!" I said & I took his hand. I led him to the edge of the yard, to the fence that we'd broken so many years ago! It was still broken, like a prehistoric monument to our reckless youth!! "Look at that!" I pointed to the fence. He smiled. "Can you remember Jeff?" "Yeah." He said quietly. "No not what we did, not our actions........can you remember the feelings? The passion? The intensity? The sheer lust...." I paused, "The love?" He looked at me slightly puzzled. "I remember every moment Jeff because it was the first time you kissed me & it was the time when I truely realised I was in love with you! What I felt that day....well I can remember every second....." "You fell in love with me then?" he asked, surprised. "No, I fell in love with you a long time before then! I just didn't realise it!" I smiled at the memory of that kiss! Of how I'd wanted him so badly it had made my whole body shake & how at the same time I was terrified! "The way you made me feel that day is...........well it's the way you make me feel right now! The way I've felt about you every day of my life since then!" I turned to face him & it was then I realised he was crying. "So stay!" He whispered biting on his bottom lip to stop it from trembling. I looked into his eyes & it would have been so easy for me to just give in, stay in Cameron & be with the love of my life, but I couldn't. "Jeff...." I said stroking his cheek, "........When........when you can feel that way about me again..." I choked back my tears, "...then come & get me!" I blinked & the tears fell. I kissed him & what started out as a quick peck on the lips turned into a deep, passionate embrace & once again I melted in his arms. Neither of us could stop crying, even while we kissed the tears still fell. "Gemma!" Dad shouted form the porch & I looked up to see the taxi in the drive. It was time to go. We walked back to the house as Matt carried our cases to the cab. Michael ran into Jeff's arms & Jeff tried to hide his tears & smile. "See you real soon little guy!" he said, sniffing, "be good for your mom ok?" Mike nodded. "Jeff can I call you....." "You call me everyday you hear! Don't miss a single day!" I looked at Gilbert who had his arm aroound Matt as they watched Jeff & Michael. Matt sniffed & wiped his face & Gilbert gave him a little squeeze. "Yeah I will...but I mean can I call you daddy? Instead of Jeff?" My heart sank! Even dad wiped a tear from his cheek! Jeff grabbed Michael & held him tightly, tears flowing freely down his face. I turned away & put a hand to my mouth. Once again I was breaking his heart & it was hurting me like hell! "Yes Mike!" Jeff said, "You can call me Daddy! I'd like that more than anything!!" We hugged everyone while the cab driver impatiently drummed his fingers on the steering wheel! Suddenly another car pulled into the drive.....it was Amy! "Don't go without saying goodbye to me!" She shouted as she leapt out of the car & ran towards me. I hugged her, still crying. "Oh Amy! I'm gonna miss you so much!" "Don't stay away too long you hear?" "I won't!" We got Michael into the car then Amy tactfully got the others to one side, giving me & Jeff some space. "I'll call you!" I said wiping my face. "You'd better!" Jeff put his arms around me & we sobbed together. "I'm sorry!" He whispered. I knew everyone was watching but I didn't care! I kissed him as passionately as we'd done just moments earlier, I didn't care what anyone thought! "Remember what I said Jeff!" I sniffed, "Come & get me!" With that I got into the cab & we headed back to Australia. 


	30. Chapter 30

Chapter 30  
  
Michael & I had gotten used to being back at home quite quickly! It had seemed a little strange at first, quiet even, with no promises of drama or excitement, but pretty soon everything seemed to click back into place. Mike had been back to Cameron once already in the three months since we came home! Rhett & Jenny were taking Becky over to see Dad so they took Michael too! I wasn't ready to go back & see Jeff quite so soon & it turned out to be the loneliest week I'd ever had in my life! Michael on the other hand had a fantastic time, staying a few days with dad & a few days with Jeff & Gilbert. He told me how Amy had brought 'Ivory' home to see him again & how next time she'd promised to try & bring Big Show if he had some free time!!! Of course he was totally thrilled at that idea 'cause he'd loved Paul the moment he met him in Ohio! I missed Jeff a lot! I spoke to him on the phone almost every day but it wasnt the same, it just made me miss him more! Sometimes I would cry myself to sleep after I'd spoken to him, I just wanted to turn back the clock & make things different! Matt always called, sometimes twice in a day! He cheered me up always making me laugh! I missed him like crazy too! Both he & Jeff kept sending money for Michael even though we didn't need it! I told them to stop but they wouldn't listen so I just put their cheques into Michael's bank account & stopped arguing! My brother Michael had left his family enough to be 'comfortable' when he'd died so Mike was turning out to be quite a little rich guy! Of course he didn't know about it - a four year old doesn't understand the value of the dollar anyway, but one day when I felt he was responsible enough I'd hand him the cheque book & say 'Go get it boy!!' I'd still rather have my brother here by my side than his money in the bank but, as he'd have said himself, when life hands you a lemon, crack open a bottle of tequilla!! I guess that's a phrase my mother took literally! For every lemon she was handed she cracked open a bottle of whatever happened to be lying around! In the end she had been a bitter, spiteful old drunk, with no thought or regard for the people who loved her most - I wasn't about to go down THAT road!! Michael was starting to have some problems at school - he'd told his friedns that his dady was Jeff Hardy & of course kids can be cruel! The ones that believed him made fun of him whenever Jeff lost a match & the ones that didn't believe him made his life a living hell! It took me back to my days growing up in Cameron & how much it had hurt to be the school joke! It cut me in two to know my own little boy was going through the same shit through no fault of his own! I tried to help him, went to see parents, teachers, the headmaster, but the lively little boy I once knew was slowly giving way to this whole other personality! He was quiet, reclusive & moody, nothing I did or said seemed to help the situation! I was worried that he'd end up blaming me for all this & he would be right to do so, maybe even resent Jeff for being who he was! All kinds of thoughts entered my head at some point but I was powerless to help him! All I could do was love him & encourage him & hope that this would all die down eventually! Michael still had a couple of good friends, friends that didn't make fun of him until he cried.....friends that thought having Jeff Hardy as a Dad was the coolest thing on the planet! For them I will be eternally greatful! His fifth birthday came & went. Dad noticed the change in his grandson & begged me to get him away from all of this & come back to Cameron! It was a tempting offer but one I couldn't possibly face, not yet anyway. If it got any worse I promised Dad that I would seriously considder moving back to the farmhouse with him & Kellie! But for now things were staying as they were! Amy made it to Michael's party & she brough Lisa too! The kids were amazed to see Lita & Ivory playing musical chairs & eating jelly & ice cream! They all had a great time! Matt & Jeff couldn't make it due to work commitments but they assured us they were comming over as soon as they could! I thought it would have made life a little easier for him at school if the select few kids that were at his party told all the others that Lita & Ivory were there too! But it was getting worse! He now got stuff like..."Oh yeah well if Jeff Hardy is your Dad how come he didn't show up?" etc etc. I could have gleefully strangled the little shits!! I had a run in with the father of a ten year old who seemed to be the orchestrator of the whole situation! I went to see them one day after school & soon discovered where the kid got his asshole attitude from! "Well if his father is Jeff Hardy then his mother must have been a groupie & I'm the friggin' Rock!!" he'd laughed in my face!! Now I understood how Mike had felt all these months! I aslo understood there was no point in trying to reason with people like him as it just wasn't going to work! So I did the only thing I thought would make a difference........I punched the guy!! He was a big guy, but it was blubber not muscle! The force & surprise of my fist on his jaw (not to mention the beer in his hand!!) knocked him backwards onto his ass!! I stood & started at him as he wobbled around trying to get back to his feet like some sort of mutated bug that had been flipped over & couldn't get up!! (Had I really just done that?!) Before he had the chance to lift his bulk back upright I turned & went back to my car!! "I'll have the cops on you for this! You hear me!? You're some sort of psycho!!" he shouted, still on his fat ass on the porch! I just flipped him the finger, got into my car & drove home! Nobody was going to treat me or any person in my family like a piece of trash, no matter how big & stupid they were!! I couldn't help laughing to myself as I drove home, it reminded me of the time I'd floored Adam at the school gates when I was eight years old! It brought back a lot of memories about Jeff too! That had been the first time I'd spoken to him that day! I smiled when I recalled how young & innocent we were, our whole lives ahead of us & our only concern was our homework deadlines! Man how things change! 


	31. Chapter 31

Chapter 31  
  
Later that same night I was just telling Rhett what I'd done when there was a knock at the door. "I'll get it!" Jenny shouted from the living room. "You seriously floored the guy?!" Rhett shook his head & laughed.  
  
"Yeah, seriously! I don't know what came over me!!"  
  
"Gemma...it's the police!" Jenny said as she walkied into the kitchen followed by 2 uniformed police men! I explained to the officers everything that had happened & they assured me it was just a follow up call! When they saw the size of me compared to the guy they just interviewed they actually found it quite funny! As I was seeing them to the door they smiled & asked me not to go around like 1/3 of Charlie's Angels or I was going to end up in serious trouble! I laughed & assured them it wouldn't be happening again! As I was at the door saying goodbye to the policemen I was gobsmacked to see the figure that appeared infront of me!  
  
"JEFF?!"  
  
He smiled at me, "I was in the neighbourhood....what's with the erm...." he gestured towards the policemen that were leaving. "Oh it's a long story! Come in! What the hell are you doing here?!" My heart pounded, it was the first time I'd seen him since I came back to Australia!  
  
Michael was extremely happy to see Jeff! He ran into his arms with a huge grin on his face, it was the first time in a couple of months I'd seen him so happy! After a couple of hours Rhett, Jenny & Becky left & Jeff took Michael off to bed. I cleared away dishes & tided up, not knowing what exactly Jeff was doing here but very happy that he was!! I'd just finished loading up the dishwasher when Jeff came into the kitchen.  
  
"He's sound asleep!"  
  
"Good!" I smiled, "You want a coffee?"  
  
"Yeah thanks!"  
  
"I can't believe you're here! You must be exhausted?!"  
  
"I'm ok! It was a kinda spur of the moment thing!" he smiled, "I had a week off so I got on the first available flight! Thought I'd surprise you!" "Well you did that alright!" I handed him his coffee. "C'mon let's sit down!" We walked into the sitting room. "It's a nice place!" Jeff said, looking around the room.  
  
"Yeah, thanks to Michael! It's his old appartment, we moved in with him before he died."  
  
"Oh right."  
  
"So what made you fly out here all of a sudden?"  
  
He shrugged, "I missed Mike, missed you, figured it was time I came & saw my boy's room!!" he laughed, "Hey listen you dont mind if I stay do you? I mean I can crash on the couch!"  
  
"No no! I said anytime Jeff! You're always welcome to stay...and we have a spare bed so there's no need for you to sleep on the couch! If you don't mind sleeping in Mike's room that is?"  
  
He smiled, "Not at all! Thanks Gem!" He leaned over & squeezed my hand, it sent shivers through my whole body!  
  
"I guess you're tired....I'll go make up the spare bed!" I stood up but he didn't let go of my hand. "Gem?"  
  
"Yeah?"  
  
He stood up beside me. "Thanks!" I wasn't quite sure why he was thanking me but I just smiled & nodded & went to make up the bed. When I went to bed that night I lay awake thinking. This was totally out of the blue & I still wondered if there was something more to this visit than he was letting on! I didn't really care all that much though! Jeff was here, in bed in the room next to mine & it felt good! I felt safe. I had a really good night's sleep!  
  
******* The next morning when I peered into Michael's room I saw that Mike had woken up during the night & had crawled into bed with Jeff! He had his fingers in Jeff's hair & his head on his shoulder, they looked so sweet & I smiled as I watched them for a few minutes. I got dressed and made a coffee before Michael got up for his breakfast. He was smiling & looked more like the little boy I once knew! He ate his cereal & then got dressed for school. "Can I wake Daddy up?" He asked excitedly. "Oh I dunno Mike he's had a long day yesterday......."  
  
"I'm up!" Jeff called from the doorway of the bedroom. I turned to see him standing there in a pair of shorts & nothing else! I swallowed hard.  
  
"Oh er...hey! I have to get Mike to school in a minute so erm....."  
  
"How long have I got to get dressed? I'm comming with you!"  
  
"Jeff you don't need to......."  
  
"YAY!! Please Mummy?" Michael pleaded with me & as usually the case when it came to that puppy dog look he gave me I couldn't say no! So Jeff got dressed & I drove towards the school. My heart was pounding when we got into the parking lot, I just wasn't sure what the reaction would be from everyone!  
  
We got out & Michael held onto Jeff's hand as we walked through the school gates & went into the yard. The first parents I saw was 'Fat Ass' & his wife & my stomach lurched! I glanced over at them & they were staring at us with their mouths open!! I had to try not to laugh! Jeff gave me a puzzled look!  
  
"That's the guy I floored yesterday!" I whispered from the side of my mouth. "You're kidding?!" Jeff laughed, "Watch this!!" He put his arm around my shoulders, kissed my cheek & then shouted "GOOD MORNING!!" at fat ass & his wife!! I had to turn away I was laughing so much! Some of the other kids started to recognise the famous wrestler in their school yard & a buzz began to grow around us! Mike's real friends ran over to us & Michael excitedly introduced them to his Daddy!! It shouldn't have felt so good, seeing kids eating their words but I couldn't help feeling smug! Even the head master came out & introduced himself, shaking Jeff's hand!!  
  
When Jeff & I left we watched from the gate as a gaggle of kids surrounded Mike, making a huge fuss of him! It was a good sight to see our little boy happy again! "Dad told you didn't he?" I asked as we got into my car. He shrugged his shoulders, "He mentioned something!"  
  
"I knew there was a reason!!!" I smiled. "Reason for what?"  
  
"For you comming out here all of a sudden like you did! It was because of Mike right?"  
  
Jeff just smiled. He didn't say anything!! 


	32. Chapter 32

Chapter 32  
  
Jeff & I speant the day together & it was great! I showed him the sights & we had lunch in a little cafe by the harbour! He got recognised a couple of times & each time he signed autographs & had his picture taken patiently while some little girl or boy almost peed their pants because they were meeting Jeff Hardy!! Eventually it was time to collect Mike from school & it seemed to me like a lot more parents than usual turned up at the school gates that night! I guess news travels fast! Michael was so tired he fell asleep not long after dinner so Jeff & I were left alone again. He flopped on the couch beside me. "Man I'm beat!" he said closing his eyes, "Thankyou for today.....I had the best time!"  
  
"Me too! It's good to see you again!"  
  
He put his hand on top of mine, "Yeah you too!" He smiled. "I'll make coffee!" I said & went to stand up but Jeff pulled me back.  
  
"Gemma I..." he paused & sighed, "........I came here for a reason you were right."  
  
I gulped as he squeezed my hand. "Oh?"  
  
"Well of course I wanted to see Michael more than anything, but..." he looked into my eyes, "....I wanted to see you too!" I just looked at him, not knowing what to say! "I missed you!"  
  
"I missed you too Jeff......"  
  
"Listen I have to tell you, that night in Ohio...I didn't sleep with that girl!"  
  
"Oh Jeff it doesn't matter, not now...."  
  
"No but I need to tell you,I never had sex with her.........I just said that to...." he sighed, ".......to hurt you and.."  
  
"It doesn't matter!" I interrupted!  
  
"But it matters to me Gemma! I should never have done what I did to you! I don't know what got into me & I'm sorry! I needed to tell you I'm sorry!"  
  
"You had every right to be mad at me, you don't need to appologise!"  
  
"I need to know now.........do you forgive me? I mean truely forgive me for the way I treated you?!"  
  
I smiled, "I forgave you a long time ago!"  
  
He smiled & nodded, "Thankyou!" he kissed my cheek & I made to go into the kitchen but again he held me back. "I need to ask you one more question!"  
  
"Go on..."  
  
"I...well......what you said before you left.....in your Dad's yard....." he took a deep breath, "...I need to know...." he looked down at his hand that was still holding tightly to mine & without looking up again he said, "....do you still feel that way about me?"  
  
I didn't need to be asked twice! "Yes Jeff, I still feel that way about you!"  
  
He looked up into my eyes, "Then....I've come to get you Gemma!" It sounded strange but I knew what he meant! In the yard I'd told him to come & get me when he felt that way about me..........and now here he was! I was shaking!!  
  
"Do you mean it Jeff? I mean do you truely mean it? I need you to tell me because if this is some sort of..."  
  
"Yes I mean it Gemma! I love you!" He leaned over & kissed my lips & I felt weak. He kissed me the way he had done when we broke the fence that day! It took my breath away & made my whole body tremble & I knew then that this was real even though it felt like a dream!  
  
We broke the kiss & he smiled at me & stroked my cheek. "I do love you Gem, so much!"  
  
I blinked away my tears, "I love you too!" I whispered. He pulled me close & held me against his chest, stroking my hair & I could hear his heart beating. "What's say we forget the coffee & I go out & get us a bottle of wine?"  
  
"There's a bottle in the kitchen!" I stood up & went to get it & he followed me in & put his arms around my waist from behind. I sighed at the feel of his lips brushing my neck.  
  
"Let me open the wine!" I giggled!  
  
"Ok ok !" He laughed. "Where do I find the glasses?!" We had a nice cosey night curled up on the couch together watching a movie, even though my mind was racing & I truely wasn't paying attention to anything going on on the screen! When it finished he kissed me passionately. "Jeff....." I said, gasping for breath.  
  
"I know! It's ok! We'll take it slow!"  
  
We kissed again for a long time, then eventually dragged ourselves into our seperate bedrooms where I lay awake for a long time thinking about what just happened! I guess I was in shock......it felt like I wasn't really there & none of it was real! A couple of hours later as I was just dosing off to sleep my bedroom door opened. "You awake?"  
  
"Yeah what's wrong? Is it Mike?!" I said sitting up. "No no nothing like that that....well apart from I can't sleep...." he walked over to the side of my bed, "...and I lied...I can't take it slowly Gemma! We've wasted too much time already!" He climbed into the bed beside me & I made no attempts to stop him! We made love & it felt so right, more right than it had ever done before!  
  
*******  
  
Next morning when I first opened my eyes I wasn't sure if it h ad been real or some sort of cruel dream. I turned over in bed & there was Jeff beside me & I smiled! It had been real! I was in my perfect world........and then my stomach turned over. How could this be happening to me? Things like this always turned to crap whenever I was involved & doubts started to creep into my mind about Jeff's true feelings for me! What if he was just doing this to get Michael back to Cameron? What if this was his ultimate revenge.....suck me into this fantasy & then blow it all to hell when I least expected it? I looked at his face as he slept & wished I could look into his mind aswell! I knew I either had to go with it & pray it was for real, or stop it now incase my doubts were right! I didn't know what I was going to do!  
  
Jeff rolled over in his sleep & put his arm around me. After all this time & everything we'd been through, he still gave me goosebumps when he touched me! I'd never in my life felt so strongly about anyone....surely that must mean something? It must be a good thing?  
  
The phone beside my bed rang & I jumped! Jeff opened his eyes & I grabbed the reciever. "Hello?"  
  
"GEM! It's Matt!"  
  
"Oh Hi Ma......"  
  
"Is Jeff with you?"  
  
"What?"  
  
"I know it sounds like a dumb question but humour me here will ya?"  
  
"Yes he's here! What's the problem?"  
  
"Oh Jesus!" Matt sounded relived! "Sorry to scare you Gemma but he's gone A.W.O.L. from work and I..."  
  
"EXCUSE ME?!" I looked at Jeff & he must have realised what we were talking about & he put his hand to his forehead!  
  
"Yeah Vince is going ape shit here! He has to come back like NOW!"  
  
"Here, speak to him about it!"  
  
Jeff shook his head but I paid no attention & handed him the telephone. He then had a short but somewhat heated conversation with Matt before leaning over me & putting the phone down. "Well?" I asked. He lay back in bed & rubbed his face. "Yeah....so I er....didn't exactly have the week off after all!"  
  
"Oh Jeff!"  
  
"Gem you don't understand! I needed to be here...I needed to be with you!" I just sighed. "I was going crazy without you & Mike...."  
  
"You put your carreer on the line to come & see me & Mike?" He nodded. "But Jeff you could see us anytime you know that!"  
  
"Look Gemma, screw Vince! Screw the WWE it's not important! What's important to me now is you & Michael! You're my family & if I have to come out here to live & leave everything else behind to make you happy then I will! Just say the word! Nothing elses matters Gem!" He sat up & held my hands, "I love you!"  
  
All I could think at that moment was 'Jesus he really means it'!!! 


	33. Chapter 33

Chapter 33  
  
I'd eventually persuaded Jeff to go home & sort this out! He left that evening on the first available flight back to America & the place felt empty without him even though he'd only been there a couple of days! Then I realised it wasn't the appartment that was empty without him, it was me! It was then I made the decision to change my life forever. I had a lot to do & speant the next two weeks rearranging my life to get ready to go back to Cameron. Jef had gotten a severe warning from the WWE but at least he hadn't been fired! If he'd lost his job over me I'd never have forgiven myself! When the day came for us to leave Australia I felt a strange kind of sadness! I'd decided not to sell the appartment, it had been my brother's home before he died & so much of him still remained in that place! Instead Rhett took it on & rented it out for me & I felt better knowing it was still there, just incase I ever needed it again!  
  
Mike cried when we said goodbye to Rhett, Jenny & Becky at the airport! It brought back so many memories for me seeing him so heartbroken yet so excited at the same time! I remembered having to leave Rhett & Michael when I was eight years old & how it felt like I was going to cry until I burst! Even now it felt a little like that for me......scarey but at the same time exciting! Off to start a 'new-old' life back in America...it all seemed to be happening so quickly too, like I was losing control of my life! But if I wanted to be with Jeff, which I did, then this was the only way to do it!  
  
When the plane landed my Dad, Gilbert & Jeff were there to meet us with huge grins on their faces! Michael soon cheered up when he saw them!  
  
Back at the farmhouse & up in my old room I started to unpack when Jeff came in. "Mike's a little quiet! Is he ok with all of this?"  
  
"Yeah well...he's a little scared, overwhelmed I guess....give him time!  
  
Jeff put his arms around me. "I can't believe you're here! Really here for good!" he smiled. "Me either! It's a bit strange! "Strange but good I hope?" Jeff said raising his eyebrows!  
  
"Yeah...it's all good!" He kissed me passionately until I was gasping for air!  
  
"Get your coat on!"  
  
"What?" He grinned at me. "Mike's staying here with dad & Jack & you're comming with me! I have something to show you!"  
  
"Man I hate it when you do this!" I laughed, grabbing my jacket off the bed, "Who's gonna show up at the door this time!?" Jeff grabbed my hand & dragged me outside to his car! "Come on!" he said excitedly, gesturing for me to get in!  
  
We drove to Matt & Amy's place & it was finished! I couldn't believe how beautiful it looked! He stopped the car & pulled me out of the seat & we stood & looked at their house. "Wow! It's finished!"  
  
"Yeah you like it?"  
  
"It's beautiful! Truely...I love it! Come on let's go & say hi! I'm dying to look inside!" I went to go in but Jeff grabbed my hand. "Oh no!" he said & swung me around so I was face to face with him!  
  
"JEFF! What are you doing you freak!?" I laughed. "I haven't showed you my surprise yet!" "Wasn't this the surprise?"  
  
"Nope! Come on!" He started dragging me up the road past Matt & Amy's house. "Now where are we going? Jeff there's nothing up here?!"  
  
"There wasn't....until..." he gestured to the side of us & what I saw made me gasp! In the twilight I could make out the skeleton of a house against the deep blue sky! "It's kinda nothing much to look at right now but then again I didn't figure on dragging you back to America so soon so...."  
  
"What are you saying?!" "It's ours Gem! It's our new house!" He grinned at me!  
  
"You are kidding me right?!"  
  
"NO! I thought about what you said when you left & it didn't take me long to realise how I felt about you! I guess the longest part was actually facing you & telling you!"  
  
"Oh my God!" I was stunned! I just stood there with my jaw almost onto my chest, staring at this thing that was going to be our home! "You er....like the idea or erm.....is it too much too soon cause I........"  
  
"Jeff!" I gulped, "Is this for real? This is your house?!"  
  
"No.......it's our house Gem! Yours mine & Michaels!" "Jesus I....I....I don't know what to say!"  
  
Suddenly he lifted me off my feet & I screamed. "Don't say anything!"  
  
"JEFF! Put me down!!" He carried me into the shell that was going to be our house & put me down!  
  
"Anything my bro can do, I can do too!" he grinned & kissed me. "I love you!"  
  
"I love you too!" I smiled.  
  
"So, what's say we christen this baby!?" He grabbed me & tackled me to the floor, tickling me until I was defensless! We ended up christening the house in more ways than one in the dust & dirt on the floor!!! Afterwards we lay there, looking up through the roof that wasn't there at the stars that were just appearing in the darkening sky! "Are you happy?" he asked. I smiled, "Yes Jeff! I'm happy Are you?"  
  
"Never been happier!" he squeezed me tightly. "We should get going though cause I told Matt we'd be there like half an hour ago! I didn't plan for the erm...interruption in the schedule!" I playfully nudged him in the ribs & laughed. We stood up & tried to dust ourselves down before heading off to see Matt & Amy. I couldn't stop smiling all the way there! When we got there Amy answered the door & looked us up & down before giving me a hug! Jeff went to hug her too & she stepped back. "I can guess you weren't on top!" she smiled. "What?!" Asked Jeff.  
  
"Your clothes dude! Don't come anywhere near me like that!" Of course that was an invitiation for Jeff to grab her & get her as filthy as he possibly could while she screamed for mercy!! Eventually she showed me around their new house & even though most of it wasn't decorated it was as beautiful, if not more so, than I had imagined it would be! We sat down on the edge of her bed. "Amy this place is unreal! Seriously unfuckingreal!!" "I know!" She grinned & put her hand on my leg. "What the fuck is THAT all about!!???" I said, grabbing her hand & looking at the gorgeous ring that was on her engagement finger! "You mean to tell me you guys are.....you & Matt are getting married!!??"  
  
"Yeah!" She giggled!  
  
"OH MY GOD!" I screamed & threw my arms around her hugging her tightly! "When did this happen? Why didn't you call me?!" I Said, inspecting the ring again. "2 days ago & I didn't call cause I wanted to surprise you!" "Oh Amy! I'm so happy for you guys truely! This is awesome!"  
  
"You're happy for more than me & Matt!"  
  
"Huh?"  
  
"Come on admit it! You were on cloud nine when you walked in here!"  
  
I giggled, "I guess so?!"  
  
"Guess nothin'!!" She playfully nudged me, "And from the looks of the state you two are in I'd say you & Jeffy have been breaking in that new house of yours!!"  
  
I laughed, "Ok! Ok! You caught me!" we both laughed.  
  
"And you said I was wierd!!"  
  
"What?"  
  
"Me & Matt! remember? You said I was wierd!! You freak!" She slapped my arm!! "Oh Amy this is so unreal! I keep thinking I'm gonna wake up y'know?"  
  
"Get used to it girl! He's head over heels for you AT LAST!...hate to say I told you so but...." She laughed, "Chill out! Enjoy it! Believe me it's all real hun & I can't think of any other two people who deserve a break than you guys!"  
  
"Yeah...I guess we could use a little luck right now!"  
  
"Luck aint in it! Just love each other & it will all be great!"  
  
I smiled. "Wise old Amy speaks again!" I said waving my arms around sarcasticly!  
  
"Hey watch it kiddo! I'm older than you that makes me wiser!"  
  
"Yeah piss wise sweetie!" I said & we both laughed.  
  
"It's great that you're back Gem!"  
  
"Yeah it is pretty great isn't it!?" We hugged each other again. I was so glad to be back in Cameron & I wanted this feeling to last forever! "Come on then, let's go & see if my *ahem* fiance.." we both giggled, "...has managed to persuade your...erm...." she turned me around & dusted the ass of my pants,"....gigolo...."  
  
"Hey!" I laughed "...to pick up a paintbrush...if he's got any energy left!" she winked & we went downstairs to find Matt & Jeff. 


	34. Chapter 34

Chapter 34  
  
So, what is there left to tell you? Well, we've been back in Cameron for a little over six months now, although it's gone so quickly it doesn't seem like that long! We just recently moved into our new house & although there is still a lot of work to do on the inside I still think it's the most beautiful house I've ever seen! It's hard to believe it is really my home!! The decorating keeps me busy when Jeff is away working so I'm not complaining!  
  
Talking of work, Shane calls me at least once a week asking me to go back to work for the WWE! It's flattering & very tempting too, but Mike is settled here, we have a routine & school is going great for him too! If both me & Jeff were always on the road then God knows what effect that would have on him! So, as much as the offer tempts me more & more each week, I don't think I will ever go back to work for Shane! Then again, the way my life has turned out I should have learned by now to never say never! Stranger things have happened!! I'm living, breathing proof of that! I've been to a couple of shows since we came back, talked to Adam again & even met his wife! Yes she is lovely & yes they make the perfect couple! As much as he loves her I know how hard this has been for him, although he'd never admit it! But we're friends, (Ok so we're not 'Rachel & Joey' friends!!) but we're friends all the same! He's happy, I'm happy...it all turned out ok in the end! Who would have believed that a year ago? Certainly not me that's for damn sure!! As I Said at the beginning of my story, Michael is now a Hardy, but it's not how you think! Jeff & I aren't married, not right now anyway! We just went through all the legal crap & eventually got Mike's name changed to Hardy! That's what the little guy wanted & who am I to stand in his way? If Jeff & I had been together when he was born it would've been his name anyway so I didn't object! Yes Jeff has asked me to marry him on more than one occasion, but I turned him down every time! I know it sounds stupid but after everything we've been through to get where we are today, marriage doesnt seem like a necessity to me! We've come through years of shit, years of heartache...marriage is just a piece of paper when you can survive all the other stuff & come out smiling! Again I'm not saying we will never get married, maybe one day it will feel like the right thing to do, but we have the rest of our lives ahead of us to discover that! I like things the way they are right now & thankfully Jeff understands that! We're both happier now than we've ever been & both completely devoted to each other so why get married? It wouldn't change anything but my name! On the other hand, Matt & Amy will be getting maried in around eight weeks time! I'm really looking forward to being Amy's chief bridesmaid...and who knows? Maybe I'll even bag me the best man at the end of the night if I'm lucky!!! Over in Oz Rhett & Jenny are expecting their second baby! I'm goiong to be an aunt again in about four months time & I can't wait! I am a little sad that they are so far away though, I miss them like crazy!  
  
Greg & Louise got married last month & are blissfully happy! We don't see all that much of them because of Greg's job, but we keep in touch all the time! Dad & Kellie are ok! Dad had another little scare not so long ago & we all thought it was another heart attack! Thankfully we were wrong & he only needed to stay in hospital overnight! I do worry about him though. He's not getting any younger & the thoughts of facing life without my Dad scare the shit out of me! He says I fuss too much but I know secretly he loves having me around to drive him crazy!! I know most of us think their Dad is the best Dad in the world but somehow I believe I'm the only one who is right! He is the best & life without my old 'Pops' would be inbearable! I'm happy that Michael has these years to grow up with his Grandpa & 'Gum' living 5 minutes up the road!!  
  
Gilbert is still smiling! I don't think he has stopped smiling since Michael & I got here!! I guess 'Old Yoda' was the only one who truely believed we'd make it! He adores Michael & loves being a Grandad & he is always there for us no matter what! They broke the mould when they made Gilbert Hardy! He is the sweetest man on God's earth & I'm thankful for every day he is a part of our lives! So, back to me I guess! What else is there to say? I think I've told you just about everything that has happened in my life so far! In the end I got my prince....ok so he wasn't on a white horse but that's a mere technicallity!! I never in my wildest dreams thought my life could turn out this way! I'm happy & I'm with the man of my dreams! How many of us can truthfully say that? Ok so I guess I took the long route around but the end result is the same! Everytime Jeff walks into the room it makes me smile! Everytime he touches me it takes my breath away!! When he holds me I feel safe & when he kisses me I go weak! Every day I keep thinking maybe I'll wake up & this was all a dream......yeah I know I sound like I'm about to turn into a Celine Dion classic here...but it's all TRUE!! If you are in love or have ever been in love then you will know exactly what I'm talking about! If you have never been in love.....then hold on tight....one day I could be reading your story!!! 


End file.
